


Broken (book three)

by TheDarkOne



Category: Stargate Universe
Genre: F/M, Fear, M/M, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-07-15 23:41:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 43,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7243525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDarkOne/pseuds/TheDarkOne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After an away mission Young, Rush and TJ show lapse of memories. Additionally Rush and TJ are badly injured.<br/>Melody has found a way to restore Rush's memory but before she can initiate the procedure she disappeares without a trace. With the help of Eli Rush tries to gain back his memory and learns what really happened on the planet...<br/>My OC "Melody Hansen" first appears in "Harmony in minor". I recommend reading that first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Injuries

**Author's Note:**

> Credits for beta reading are going to Pink Unicorn. Thank you so much!

"Sir! Colonel Young! You have to slow down!" Scott yelled into his radio.  
The Destiny was floating in space while the Lieutenant and some other people were standing at the observation deck, watching in horror at the shuttle coming in way too fast.  
Colonel Young had insisted to be part of this expedition. He'd wanted to 'breathe some fresh air'— at least that's what he'd told his Lt. That was why he accompanied Lt. Johansen and Dr. Rush instead of Lt. Scott on their away mission to look for plants which could be a benefit for TJ's low stock of medical supplies. Rush with his knowledge in Chemistry and Biology was a logical choice for this mission.  
Scott suspected the Colonel went on the mission just to keep an eye on Rush. Since the scientist had transferred the A.I. into Destiny's systems a few months ago, without the Colonel’s permission, Young was still angry with the Scot and wanted to make sure such incident wouldn't happen again.  
The other scientists, along with most of the military personnel, already went through the Stargate to refill their food supplies. They had found a wealth of fruits, vegetables, edible animals, nuts and berries which they had already brought back to the ship. Now they were just waiting for the return of the shuttle team, but something was wrong.  
The shuttle was just in communication range and Young's slurred voice sounded from Scott's radio. Hoping the radio of the Colonel's radio was simply malfunctioning, Scott tried to radio TJ or Rush, but neither of them were answering. The shuttle was coming in with far too much speed and Scott knew they would crash in a few seconds.  
"Colonel Young! Reverse thrusters, NOW!" he yelled into his radio and this seemed to have had an effect. Scott saw the thrusters flicker. The shuttle reduced speed but it still hit the docking station with a bang.  
"Colonel, are you alright!?" Scott shouted into his radio, but there was no answer. "Damn it" he said and radioed the master sergeant. "Greer! Grab some men and head to the docking station now! The Colonel's not answering." Scott was on his way, even as he spoke Greer's name, followed by Chloe and Eli. Both had been standing on the observation deck too.  
"Almost there, sir," Greer answered.  
Scott hustled. He arrived some seconds later, seeing the doors were still closed. "Why are the doors still closed?" he asked, gasping for breath and hammered on the button. But the door wouldn't open.  
"I don't know, sir. The doors seemed to be blocked."  
"Lemme see!" Eli yelled, as he arrived as well, gasping for breath. He quickly removed the panel and checked the circuits, but he couldn't find a defect. So he grabbed for his radio. "Is there anyone on the bridge or in the control room?"  
To his relief the voice of the scientist came out of his radio: "This is Park, I'm on the bridge. What's the matter?"  
"Check the controls of the docking station. Can you see why the doors won't open?" Eli asked. There was a silence for some seconds while Dr. Park checked the controls.  
"There seem to be a leak in the shuttle, a gas is filling up which Destiny classified as potentially toxic."  
"Shit, lemme see!" Eli shouted in excitement and shoved away a soldier (that had been standing in front of the controls) to tear another panel off the wall.  
"What are you doing, mister Wallace?" Greer asked skeptically.  
"Activating the ventilation system in the lock and hoping it'll exhaust the gas and the doors will open."  
He had only just finished his sentence when the system came to life. They heard a whoosh from behind as the doors opened.  
Scott stormed into the shuttle. He saw TJ first. She was unconscious and lying on a bench by the door. She was disheveled, strands of her hair had been pulled loose of her bun, hanging down tousled. Her clothes were torn in numerous places.  
Scott caught all of that in a glimpse. "Lieutenant James, look after TJ," he said to the young woman who had entered the shuttle behind him.  
"Yes, Sir!" she answered at once and kneeled down beside the medic.  
Scott looked to the cockpit, seeing an arm hanging down sideways from the Captain's chair.  
"Colonel Young?" he asked hesitantly. The arm was clearly his. Scott stepped in front of the chair and saw that the CO was unconscious, too.  
"I found Dr. Rush!" he heard Chloe's voice and knew there was something terribly wrong. She sounded shocked. Scott quickly made sure the pulse of Young was strong and steady, then he looked over to Chloe. Rush was lying on the floor against the hull, his clothes torn and he was bleeding from multiple wounds.  
"Chloe?" Scott asked courageously and stepped closer. Then he saw why Chloe had sounded so shocked: The scientist's trousers were soaked with blood, mostly in the area of his lower body.  
"Oh my god!" he heard Eli breathe. The young man had reattached the panels and made his way into the shuttle too. He was standing behind Chloe and looked down at Rush, who wasn't moving.  
"Miss Wray, this is Scott," the Lieutenant spoke into his radio without taking his eyes off Rush.  
"Yes, Lieutenant?"  
"Get two people and head to the communication stones. We need three physicians on board NOW!"  
Camile didn't waste time asking why, merely said "On my way."  
Scott closed the connection and turned to Eli. "We need your kino sled. Go!"  
"On it," the young man said, tore his gaze off Rush and dashed out.  
In the meantime Chloe had felt for the pulse of the Scot. "He's still alive," she told Matt, "but he’s lost so much blood... my god!"  
"He's going to make it," Scott said, not really confident and looked over to James. "Vanessa, how's TJ?" he asked and went over to her.  
"Apparently she's just unconscious."  
Matt took a breath in relief. At least one piece of good news, he thought. Then the Colonel came back to his mind and he stepped over.  
"Colonel Young?" Scott asked and carefully slapped on his cheek in an effort to wake him. Luckily, it worked.  
Young moaned and slowly opened his eyes. "Where... where am I?" he muttered.  
Scott frowned, worried. "Back on the Destiny. Are you hurt?"  
"No, I don't think so." Colonel Young moved carefully and Scott helped him up. When the CO was stable he looked around, seeing TJ lying on a bench.  
"TJ!" he cried and hurried over to her, wobbling a little because he was still a bit dizzy.  
"What happened?" he asked James, who was still kneeling beside the medic.  
"Actually, I hoped you could tell us, Colonel," Scott answered in her place.  
Scott looked over to Rush and Young followed his gaze. "Rush, too?" he asked, when he recognized the scientist.  
"He has lost a lot of blood, Sir," Scott informed him. "What happened, Colonel?"  
Young shook his head slightly. "I don't know. I just remember landing on that planet. TJ and Rush left the shuttle to check on some plants and I was climbing up a plateau to get a better view of our environment. And then... I was in the shuttle, hearing your voice." Like he was hoping to get his memory back, he shook his head again.  
"The shuttle almost crashed and you weren't answering, Sir," Scott told him.  
Before Young could answer they were interrupted by Eli, who arrived, moving the kino sled into the shuttle.  
"About time. Quick, let's get Dr. Rush on it. Careful!" Scott said and with the help of Chloe, Eli and Greer they lifted the scientist onto the sledge. "Sgt. Greer, can you carry Lt. Johansen? I'm afraid, Rush needs the sled more than her."  
"No problem, Sir," the master Sargent said and lifted the medic up carefully. James grabbed Tamara's gear and with Col. Young following her, who was accompanied by another soldier, they all headed for the infirmary.

They were already expected. Dr. Park, who obviously had left the bridge immediately after Eli's call, had prepared the cots and three physicians of the SGC in shape of Camile Wray and two other scientists were waiting for the patients.  
While Greer put TJ on a cot and a physician came over to check on her, Scott, Eli and the other physicians lifted Rush onto another bed.  
"We need two people to assist," one of the doctors said and Chloe and Lt. James volunteered at once.   
"Thank you. Wash and disinfect your hands first. Grab a pair of gloves and get something to clean the wounds. Don't you have a doctor on board?"  
"She's lying on the bed over there," Scott said and pointed towards TJ.  
"I see. Well then, let's see what we have here. Everyone else, clear the room please."  
Uncertain if he should stay or leave Colonel Young stood by TJ's side until Scott informed the physicians "Colonel Young was in the shuttle too. And unconscious."  
A doctor scrutinized Young. "Have a seat on a free cot. I'll check on you in few moments."  
Young just nodded, relieved, because he was allowed to stay here and get information. In the meantime, Scott gathered his people and shoved them out of the room.   
"I'll be waiting outside. If you need anything, just say so," he said before he left as well.  
"Thank you," the physician by Camile's body said before the doors closed.  
The men looked at each other. "What the hell happened?" Eli asked.  
Scott shrugged his shoulders. "I've no idea, Eli. Colonel Young doesn't remember—at least not right now. But we'll find out."  
"Eli! Eli!" an agitated voice suddenly sounded behind them. Eli turned around to see Melody running towards him. She had been on the bridge as well and knew what Dr. Park and Eli had talked about.  
"What's the matter with Doctor Rush and TJ?" she asked breathless and worried, but Eli couldn't give her an answer.  
"They're being examined right now, Melody. I don't know anything else."  
Scott could see the fear in the young woman's eyes. "As soon as I get any information, I'll let you know," he said softly. "Until then, all of you should go back to work. Eli, maybe it's best for Miss Hansen if you take her along to the mess? I'll stay here."   
He could see that none of the others were happy about being ordered to leave, but there was no need for them standing around here.  
"Come on, Melody," Eli said and took her by her hand, but she immediately backed off.  
"I want to stay here," she said defiantly.  
Matt said softly, "We sent for three SGC physicians. All of them are in good hands, trust me. But it'll take a while to have them looked over. So take your time, go to the mess, have something to eat and drink and calm down. I'll inform you at once if there's any news, I promise."  
"Mel, he's right" Eli said, using her nickname.  
Melody sighed. "Very well." Dissatisfied, but complying, she went with Eli, leaving Scott alone. 

Both physicians, who took care of Rush, had cleaned up his wounds with the help of Chloe and managed to remove his blood soaked trousers. After that, Chloe had tactfully turned away, paying Col. Young a visit and looking after him.  
Carefully they started to remove Rush's briefs and their eyes widened when they realized where all the blood came from. Wordlessly, they looked at each other and before one of the men went to look for a kit to stitch up the wound, they turned the maltreated man onto his stomach. There was a long chap, starting at Rush's anus up to his limbs. Obviously someone had brutally raped him. The chap had to be carefully cleaned and stitched. Against this, Rush's other injuries were relatively minor; abrasions on his knees, hands and elbows and a cut on his temple. Some skinned fetter marks around his wrists as well as strangulation marks around his throat were striking as well.  
"Doctor Brightman!" one of the doctors called for her colleague, who was taking care of TJ.  
"What is it?" she asked and walked over.  
Her colleague let her take a look at Rush's injuries. "Maybe you should have a look at your patient," she said in hushed tones.  
Dr. Brightman nodded and did as the doctor suggested. While the other physicians tried to doctor up Rush again, Dr. Brightman said to Lt. James "Please make sure the partition walls block both patients view."   
She looked over to the Colonel, whose gaze was riveted to TJ. She didn't even dare to jump to conclusions, but at least she knew his sight would be blocked.  
Young looked disgruntled when his view was blocked, but he didn't move. Lt. James moved the partition walls around into a better position around Dr. Rush and went back to Lt. Johansen.  
Dr. Brightman removed Tamara's trousers and slip and Vanessa couldn't help but gasp briefly and put a hand over her mouth. There were injuries all over the lower portion of the young woman's body.   
"Lieutenant." Dr. Brightman's voice brought Vanessa back to the here and now. "Please get me the endoscope Mister Wallace made."  
"Yes, Ma'am," Vanessa said and rushed to fetch the small camera Eli had home-made for the operation of Dr. Rush several months ago. She also brought the small monitor along. When the camera was activated, Dr. Brightman carefully examined TJ's lower abdomen.  
While Dr. Brightman checked up TJ, Young was sitting on his cot and gave a worried look towards the partition wall, where Tamara laid behind.  
"Chloe, how is she?" he whispered.  
"I don't know, Colonel. But it'll take just a bit longer. Like with Doctor Rush, we first had to clean him up. I'm sure they'll give TJ a thorough check up, don't worry. In the meantime, can I do something for you? Maybe you'd like some water?"  
"No thanks," he replied, a bit absent minded. After a while Dr. Brightman eventually came over and the Colonel asked at once "How is Lieutenant Johansen?"  
The doctor's expression was stern, professional. "Good, according to circumstances. She needs some rest. How are you? Are you hurt or in pain?"   
Young shook his head.   
"Can you tell me what happened?" she asked in a conversational tone while she took the Colonel's vital signs.  
"I'm afraid not. I can't even remember how we got in the shuttle," he said.  
"What is the last thing you can remember?" the physician pressed on.  
Young narrowed his eyes and tried to recall the last memories, after he had climbed the plateau, but he could only tell the same he already told Scott.  
The doctor acknowledged it with a brief nod. "Seems you're the only one who wasn't harmed," she said.  
"But?" Young asked, feeling she was hiding something from him.  
Dr. Brightman scrutinized him, but addressed Chloe first. "Miss Armstrong, please go help Lieutenant James."   
Chloe looked at her startled, but did as she was asked. When the young woman left, Dr. Brightman crossed her arms in front of her chest and gave the Colonel a sharp look.  
"What is it, doctor?" the Colonel asked, quite indignantly.  
Dr. Brightman thought a frontal attack would be the best. "Doctor Rush, as well as your medic, show signs of quite a brutal rape. Can you tell me anything about that?"  
Young went pale and he stared in shock at Dr. Brightman.   
"What did you say?" he asked. He wanted to stand up, to look after TJ. He couldn't believe what the doctor had said and wanted to see TJ for himself. But Dr. Brightman held him back.  
"You can't see her yet. She's being treated right now. Colonel Young, did you have anything to do with that?" she asked him again, unimpressed.  
Young glared daggers at Dr. Brightman, but he kept his temper. "Of course not!" he said in a sharp tone.  
"But you just told me, you can't remember anything," Dr. Brightman fired back.  
Young looked shocked. "I can't," he agreed. "But I never would have— Listen, I'd have known if I had..."  
Dr. Brightman sighed softly. "Very well, Colonel. You're fine; go to your quarters and have some rest."  
Young hesitated for a moment, but then stood and was led to the door by the doctor that came out from behind the partition walls.  
"Colonel!" Scott said, surprised.  
"Lieutenant," the doctor addressed Scott. "Please accompany Colonel Young to his quarters. He should get some rest. Afterwards, you'll report back to the infirmary."  
"Yes, Ma'am," Scott replied and both men walked away.   
"Colonel? Are you alright?" Scott asked on their way after a long moment of silence. Young hadn't said anything and looked worried.  
The Colonel considered for a moment to tell his lieutenant the news, but then decided not to tell him. So he just said "Yes, lieutenant."  
Scott felt there was something the Colonel didn't want to discuss so he dropped the subject. When they arrived at Young's quarters, the Colonel hurried inside, dismissed his lieutenant with a short "Good night, dismissed" and closed the door. Scott was a bit puzzled but headed back to the infirmary. 

Young sat down on his couch. The accusations of Dr. Brightman echoed in his head. He would never do something like that, for heaven’s sake! Yes, he had a brief affair with TJ, but that was ages ago and long over. And Rush? Young had had sex with a man only once when he was a young man, just to try it, but he wouldn't even touch Rush with a ten-foot pole. No, it was unthinkable. But... why wasn't he injured? Wouldn't it be much more relevant that Rush had done this to TJ? Yes, that was what must have happened. It had to have been Rush and he'd probably gotten what he deserved. But was he the judge? And if Rush was really guilty, what had he done to the Scot?  
No, these thoughts were absurd and a shiver ran through Young. Even thinking about it was disgusting, but if he'd ever find out, that Rush ever laid a finger on TJ...  
Well, if she wakes up, he'd know. Until then he had to wait. 

Meanwhile, Scott had returned to the infirmary. For a brief moment he hesitated, unsure if he should enter, but Dr. Brightman had made clear to report to her afterwards. So he entered. However, he waited just a few steps inside the door. It took a few minutes until the doctor appeared from behind the partition walls and when she saw him standing there, she came over.  
"Lieutenant, I'd like you to post a military to guard to the infirmary," she said, getting straight to the point.  
"Ma'am?" Scott asked in surprise.  
"No one is allowed to enter the infirmary without my explicit permission. Aside from emergencies."  
"Yes, Ma'am," Scott replied, but he was alarmed. What had happened here that a guard was necessary?  
"What happened, doctor?" he dared to ask.  
Dr. Brightman culled her words very carefully. "We don't know exactly. But there is a possibility that Doctor Rush and Lieutenant Johansen could be... attacked," she said, carefully framing her answer.  
Scott put one and one together at once, whereby he had no idea of the extent. "You think it was Colonel Young?" he asked, perplexed.  
"I don't think anything, Lieutenant. However, until we do know what really happened, I'm responsible for the safety of my patients. All of my patients," she added.  
Scott concluded this involved Young as well. He nodded. "No one will enter, or leave, without your permission," he assured and stepped outside again.  
Dr. Brightman sighed, rubbing her fingers into her forehead then returned to her patients. She couldn't do much for Lt. Johansen beside clean her up and give her a painkiller. It would take a while until she'd be conscious again, but they'd hopefully learn what happened when she woke up.  
Chloe brought new underwear for TJ and everyone could see, how upset she was. She'd learned about what happened. But she stayed strong and helped Lt. James to clean up the young medic, disinfected some minor wounds and dressed her up in new, clean clothes.  
While the two women were caring for TJ, Dr. Brightman checked up on Dr. Rush. The chap was stitched and the physician decided to use the endoscope on Rush as well to check up on internal injuries. She disinfected and cleaned it conscientiously, before she insert it carefully into his rectum.   
"Massive bleeding from the anus, but the intestinal wall is luckily intact, so it can heal by itself," she commented what she saw on the monitor. Slowly and carefully she removed the endoscope.   
"He'll experience some pain for a while. But I'm more concerned about possible infections at this time. Whoever did this to him, we don't know how or with what."  
"As long as Lieutenant Johansen is a patient herself, one of us should stay on board on a permanent base," a colleague said and Dr. Brightman nodded.  
"Is Doctor Rush treated so far?" she then asked.  
"There's some minor bruising we have to take care of," another doctor answered.  
"See to it and place an IV," Dr. Brightman ordered. "I'll have a check on the medics we have here. Miss Armstrong, Lieutenant James—" she addressed both women, "are you familiar with the medical supplies on board?"  
While Dr. Brightman got an overview from Chloe and Vanessa, the other two physicians cleaned and dressed Rush's remaining wounds, carefully turning him onto his back again.   
The Scot moaned briefly, but didn't regain consciousness. They didn't dress him up again, only shove some gauze cloth under his stitched wound and covered him with a light blanket. The more the wound could breathe, the better. 

Soon both patients were been taken care of. Chloe was sitting on the edge of TJ's bed, watching her closely. Rush had been connected to an IV.  
Dr. Brightman had Scott asked in again, informing him that a physician would stay on board to care for both patients. Scott nodded and after he'd made sure he was relieved of duty by another guard—leaving explicit instructions to let no one in or out without Dr. Brightman's express permission— he accompanied the other doctors to the stoneroom.  
TJ and Rush were stable and, under the circumstances, were doing well. Dr. Brightman asked Chloe to have a close look on both, while she made a house-call to Colonel Young.


	2. Awakening

Eli had taken Melody to the mess and managed to get her to at least drink something. She hadn't given in for even that until he had told her, in every detail, what he had seen in the shuttle. While he was talking, he noticed her fingers closing and opening every few seconds. Obviously, she wasn't aware she was doing it and she seemed to be staring off into nothingness.  
They'd only been sitting in the mess for a half, but for Melody it felt like an eternity. She felt antsy and strung out waiting for Lt. Scott to radio in, like he promised, but he hadn’t yet. The whole time she had to think about Eli's description of the amount of blood Dr. Rush had lost and she was worried sick. Finally, she couldn't bear sitting there any longer and stood up.  
"Melody, where are you going?" Eli called after her, when she headed to the exit and followed her quickly.  
"I can't sit around here any longer doing nothing, Eli," she said. "I'm going crazy."  
"Matt promised to give us any news as soon as he heard something. You can't go in there anyway! Melody!" Eli ran after her and when he caught up, he grabbed her hand.  
Angry, Melody whirled around.   
"Let go of me, Eli!" she hissed and the young man released her immediately, eyes widened in shock.  
He had never seen her angry until now. But he recovered quickly and when Melody turned again to continue her way he grabbed her hand again.   
"Wait, please!" he begged softly.   
She paused.   
"You can't go in there yet," he repeated and when he saw her hesitating. "It's pointless. Come back to the mess, or we could visit the observation deck," he suggested.  
"Eli, after all you've told me, Nicholas could die!" she said, voice raised and clearly agitated, and he could see a suspicious gleam in her eyes. "I can't sit around here and wait, I simply can't!"  
"But you can't go inside, Mel," Eli said, almost desperate. "Please, try to calm down!"  
"Calm down?! Were you calm after Simeon strangled Ginn? Could you stay calm?" she snapped at him and regretted her words immediately. Eli went pale and he let go of her, his gaze now trained on the floor. Guilt flashed over Melody's face and she started to shiver.   
"I'm... so sorry, Eli. I didn't mean to hurt you. But... I'm so scared!" She wanted to put her hand on his arm, but he backed off.  
Only two months had passed since Simeon had killed Dr. Perry in Ginn's body and so also killed Ginn, who had changed bodies with the scientist. And Melody knew that Eli and Ginn just became a couple.  
"Eli..." Tears came in her eyes. "I am so sorry!" She gave him a most apologizing look, hoping he could forgive her.  
Eli swallowed thickly past the tight feeling his throat and managed to give her a very tiny smile. "Don't worry, it's okay. I understand. But that doesn't change the fact that you can't go inside. Sometimes... you just can't do anything but sit and pray for a miracle," he said softly.  
It was an impulsive gesture that Melody came close to him and hugged him. Something she had never done before, especially as she avoided physical contact.  
Eli was surprised, but after a moment hugged her back. He didn't linger long and gently urged her away. Slightly embarrassed, the girl pushed an errant strand of hair out of her face and took two steps back.  
Eli was a bit confused. It was half a year ago when he had met Melody by chance and right in the beginning he had a crush on her. But she had never raised his hopes and with a heavy heart he had accepted it. But then Ginn came on board and she seemed to like him. Eli wasn't sure if he'd only felt flattered by the attention, saw it as his only chance to get a girlfriend or if he actually felt something for her. But the more time he'd spent with Ginn, the more he'd felt attracted to her. He'd been happy.  
Until Simeon took her away from him. Took Dr. Perry from Dr. Rush.  
After Ginn's death, Melody had taken care of him as well as Chloe had, but he'd buried his feelings deep inside. His behavior had changed, turned worse. He made mistakes, skipped shifts, missed important readings or energy signatures. Eventually, even Dr. Rush had had enough of his attitude. After he'd ordered Volker off the bridge, he gave Eli a painful and doubtful speech. As time passed, it had become bearable, but he missed Ginn terribly.  
Melody had seemed to senses it and made sure she was around him more often. His early affections for the girl came back but by then, he'd been disinclined to do anything about, sure he'd only be using her as a replacement for Ginn. So, he'd distanced himself from her and Melody seemed to accept it. The amicable hug she just gave him, though, made his feelings boil and for a moment he had hope again.  
"Eli?" her voice brought him back to reality and he took in her sad expression.  
"Come in," he said and headed for the observation deck. Melody followed him. The view to the stars actually had a calming effect on both of them. When Scott finally radioed Eli, there wasn't much he could tell them unfortunately. The extent of the news was that TJ and Rush were alive and doing well under the circumstances and that Colonel Young was unharmed. But when Eli asked what had happened, Scott couldn't give an answer.  
"Are they awake? Can I see them?" Melody asked into Eli's radio.  
Scott had to deny her request. "Doctor Brightman imposed a ban on visitors. And as far as I know, both are still unconscious."  
"Thanks for telling us, Matt," Eli said and then closed the connection.  
On one hand Melody was relieved to hear that Nicholas and Tamara were alive. On the other hand, she was still worried sick. She thought it would be the best to distract herself by working.   
"I think I'll return to the bridge. I have to do something,” she said to Eli.  
"I'll catch up in a few minutes," Eli said.   
Melody, who understood he wanted to be alone for some time, left.

Dr. Brightman was on her way back to the infirmary. Her short visit in Col. Young's quarter hadn't brought anything new and the whole affair was baffling. She really couldn't see why the CO should have had something to do with it, especially because he was really concerned about Lt. Johansen. He'd also asked about Rush, but let her know in the same question, that he could image, that Rush was the attacker. But that was quite a stretch Dr. Brightman thought. She would have to wait until her patients woke up again and could tell what had happened.  
When she entered the infirmary again she realized that Lt. Johansen had regained consciousness.  
Chloe was quietly talking to TJ and saw Dr. Brightman wave her over. "Look TJ, Doctor Brightman is back. I'll be back in a minute," the young woman promised the medic and walked over to the doctor.  
"When did she wake up?" Dr. Brightman asked.  
"Just a few minutes ago," Chloe said. "She's still kinda dizzy and wanted to know what happened. I told her that you'd explain it to her."  
Dr. Brightman clapped Cloe on the shoulder. "Well done. Would you please keep an eye on Doctor Rush while I talk to Lieutenant Johansen?" she asked. Chloe nodded and took a seat beside Rush's bed.  
"Lieutenant Johansen, I'm Doctor Brightman," she greeted. "How are you feeling? Are you in pain?"  
"I'm fine. Besides a headache, I only have a dragging pain in my abdomen," TJ admitted.  
"Lieutenant, can you tell me what happened? What was the last thing you remember?" the doctor asked, before she would explain about the injuries she'd sustained.  
"I don't know..." TJ said sleepily and narrowed her eyes slightly when she tried to recall her memories. "Doctor Rush and I were busy collecting some plants and then... I can't remember anything after that. Then I woke up here, seeing Chloe's face. What happened? Why am I in the infirmary?"  
"You can't remember either?" Dr. Brightman asked in surprise and frowned.  
"No! And what do you mean 'either'? And by the way, where are Everett and Dr. Rush?" Slowly the fog in Tamara's head faded and many questions were coming to her mind.  
Dr. Brightman noticed it and gave Tamara a short version of what had happened. When she got onto Tamara's own injuries, she hesitated. "Lieutenant, I have to ask you this first. When was the last time you've had intercourse?"  
TJ's eyes widened and she stared at the doctor startled. "When I... Why? What..." Her facial expression changed when she realized what the doctor was implying to. The dragging pain in her abdomen, the question... TJ suddenly felt sick and it felt like ice ran through her veins. "I... was still on earth," she finally said quietly.  
Dr. Brightman nodded and carefully explained, "We found some injuries in your lower abdomen. It seems you've been raped."  
TJ was speechless and completely shocked. Her thoughts were in a mess. Why couldn't she remember? The next thought was that she had been on the planet with only two men, but she refused to think that one of them could have—  
"Where are Everett and Doctor Rush?" she demanded to know, her voice breathy.  
Dr. Brightman anticipated what was behind that question.   
"Colonel Young is in his quarters and he's doing fine. But he can't remember as well and he... he seemed very worried when he heard about what happened to you. Doctor Rush, on the other hand... Well, he was violated in the same way you have been. He's still unconscious and has some severe injuries. Are you sure there was no one else on the planet?" she asked.  
TJ just nodded. "Yes, I'm sure. It was an uninhabitable planet and there were only the three of us in the shuttle." She clenched her fist, lifted it to her mouth and bit down on the side of her index finger without seeming aware of doing so.  
"Lieutenant." Dr. Brightman addressed her again. "Doctor Rush is still unconscious, but when he wakes up, maybe he can tell us what happened. I can see for myself that there are not many explanations, but nevertheless you shouldn't make a hasty judgement. At least, I can't imagine that one of your colleagues—"  
"No, that would be unthinkable," TJ said, cutting the doctor off before she could finish. She turned away, gaze focused on a random point across the room.  
The doctor knew she'd let her mind wander. "Try to get some sleep," Dr. Brightman suggested. She could tell the Lieutenant was far too agitated after the shocking news. "If there's anything I can do for you, just call. I'm here." Dr. Brightman patted her arm once, then left.  
Absently, TJ chewed on her knuckle. She couldn't believe what she had learned moments ago. If that were even true. But she knew that the doctor had told her the truth; why else should she feel that pain? But who could have done such thing to her? It couldn't be Dr. Rush, he had absolutely no reason. And Everett? Well, back on earth, they'd slept with each other (even with sufficient consequences one time), but their affair was long over by now. And when he learned that she was expecting his child, he had taken responsibility but never tried to start all over with her. And when she'd lost the child during the lucian alliance attack, no one of them had even made an insinuation.  
Except for this one time in Everett's office, TJ recalled. The moment, when they had talked about Dr. Rush, when Young wanted to kiss her. But that happened about 6 months ago and Everett would never sleep with her without her permission. No, it just couldn't be one of them. But what happened then? TJ's brain even refused to think about any of them and searched for another explanation. But there was none she could think of.  
But it must have something to do with the planet, why couldn't they remember? Neither Everett nor her? Now it was up to Dr. Rush. Hopefully he could remember and tell them what had happened. She turned her head in his direction, but her view was blocked by the partition walls. With a sigh, she realized that she'd been chewing on her finger the whole time. There were teeth marks still visible. She lowered her hand and wished Dr. Brightman would have given her a small dose of the Alien venom so she could sleep. Her thoughts were nagging and she felt a lump forming in her throat.  
"Chloe!" TJ called softly for the girl and she appeared seconds later.  
"TJ?" Chloe asked and took her hand. Tamara squeezed her hand and Chloe sensed that Tamara simply didn't want to be alone. She sat down beside TJ and while Tamara was fighting her tears, Chloe softly caressed her hand.  
After some time, exhausted from the tears and soothed by Chloe's presence, Tamara finally had fallen to sleep.

Another SGC physician had taken over Dr. Brightman's shift. The infirmary was silent, the lights set low. The doctor on duty, another scientist, stood in the back of the infirmary familiarizing himself with the medics. He looked up when he heard a soft moaning. He quickly put the list aside and followed the pained moans to Rush. It looked like he was about to wake up.  
"What... ooouch..." Rush moaned, when he felt a stabbing pain in his lower abdomen.  
"Relax. Try not to move," the doctor was quick to instruct and took Rush's vital signs.  
Rush looked around in irritation, finally realizing he was in the infirmary of Destiny. "What happened? Why am I here?" he asked. His face creased in pain.  
"What is the last thing you remember?" the physician asked, while he took Rush's pulse. Dr. Brightman had told him about the memory lapses of the other two patients and he wanted to know if Rush suffered from the same symptoms.  
Rush gave the physician a confused look. "Who are you?"  
"Doctor Willis, SGC. Not related by blood or marriage to Bruce Willis, although I am bald, too. At least my real body," he said dryly. "You've been injured on the planet," he added. "What do you remember?"  
Rush needed a few moments to thrust his confusion aside and think about his last memories before he woke up. "Lieutenant Johansen and I were collecting some plants and then..." he trailed off, eyes narrowed as he tried to remember. "There was a shadow over me and I ended up on the ground..." Absentmindedly, he felt for his temple. Exactly where the cut was.  
"And then?" Dr. Willis prompted, interested.  
Rush shook his head. "I don't know. There's nothing after that."  
The doctor pursed his lips. "It's the same with your colleagues. Mental blackout. No one can remember what happened or how they got back into the shuttle."  
"What happened to me?" Rush asked clearly agitated and moaned again when he tried to sit up.  
"I told you, relax."  
"Where are my pants!?"  
There was a slight tone of panic in Rush's voice and Dr. Willis thought it a good idea to explain everything to him. "You were badly injured when you were found in the shuttle," he started. He gently placed a hand on Rush's shoulder, to hold him down. "We found a perineal laceration and you had to be stitched up," he explained carefully. He gave Rush a moment to figure out what he was implying.  
"How can I have a perineal laceration?" Rush asked, perplexed and shocked.  
"Well, it seems you have been— Well. Obviously, someone had brutally... raped you."  
For some seconds Rush simply stared at Dr. Willis, gaping and wide-eyed. Then he looked at his bandaged wrists. "What?"  
Dr. Willis sighed. "We don't know what happened, but fact is, that you and Lieutenant Johansen show typical rape symptoms. You really don't remember anything?"  
"No!" Rush shouted. Then he realized the doctor hadn't even mentioned Col. Young. Actually, he didn't even wanted to think the obvious... It was too absurd, nevertheless he asked. "What about Colonel Young? Had he been... injured too?" he carefully reworded.  
"No, the Colonel is fine," Dr. Willis answered. "He's already back in his quarters. Doctor Rush, try to go back to sleep. You have to lay as still as possible so your wound can heal."  
On the surface Rush seemed to be calm and collected, but on the inside he was highly agitated. He tried to remember what had happened, but he couldn't. Then there was this unthinkable thought: that Young was the only one who could have done that to him. He was the only possibility, but even Rush couldn't imagine that Young would hurt Lieutenant Johansen in such a way. It was absurd, all of it! And why should he have done it? Or did they missed something on the planet? Maybe they haven't been alone! Somehow he had to get his memory back... On the other side, he didn't want to think about what had happened to him. It was so unthinkable, humiliating and violating. He felt nasty and realized his hands were shaking.  
It wasn't until he glanced down that he noticed his other injuries on his arms. He gently lifted the bandage up a little and saw red marks circling his wrists. Obviously, he had been pinioned. And his elbows? He must have been forced to kneel on the ground, so...  
Nick suddenly felt sick and started to gag. The sudden movement caused terrible pain to blossom between his legs and he vomited bile since hadn't eaten in the last 24 hours and there was nothing else to come up. Dr. Willis hurried over, carrying a metal bowl which he held under Rush's mouth with one hand, while he used the other hand to support the scientist.  
"Relax and try to breathe normally," Dr. Willis said. Nicholas heard the voice and after he dry heaved for the last time, he felt a bit better. Dr. Willis put the bowl aside and carefully lowered Rush's upper body to the bed again. "Are you alright?" he asked the quickly breathing Scot.  
Rush managed to nod.  
"I know it will be difficult, Doctor Rush, but try to sleep. I'll get you some water." The doctor went away, taking the bowl with him to clean it up. He came back carrying a glass of water, the bowl and a rag. He handed the water over to Rush and quickly cleaned the floor. He placed the bowl on the table beside Rush's bed.  
With his hands still shaking, Rush took a nip of the water. He tried to push the unpleasant thoughts to the back of his mind, concentrated on a calculation he had to solve. He put the glass aside and closed his eyes.  
Dr. Willis gave Rush a worried look. He couldn't image how the scientist must be feeling right now. With a sigh, he went to the back again, leaving Rush alone.


	3. Young drifts

Young shifted restlessly in his bed, dreaming. He was being chased by two aliens, which stayed in the shadow. He just could see their silhouettes, horrified to realise that they looked very much like the Nakai. He ran faster, but they caught up. He was grabbed by his ankles, falling onto the stones. He landed with a painful thud and managed to roll over onto his back and saw his attacker coming closer. Hard, bony fingers clutched onto his throat and squeezed. He tried to loosen the grip, using both hands and all his strength, but he wasn't able to budge the hands choking him at all. He turned his head and saw two figures lying a few yards away: TJ and Rush. Neither were moving and Young knew they were dead. Clicking noises penetrated his head and the pressure on his throat increased. Desperately, he struggled like a turtle on its back. His eyes were bulging, his vision blacking out as sparks exploded in front of his eyes.

Drenched in sweat the Colonel woke a with a start, his heart racing and breathing erratic and verging on hyperventilating.  
 _A dream. It was just a dream_ , he told himself and tried to control his breathing.  
It took a few minutes for him to calm, sitting on the edge of his bed with his head cupped in his hands. Eventually, he got dressed and headed to Brody's still. It was after midnight and he was alone. He found an opened bottle, grabbed a glass and filled it, downing the drink with one gulp. Immediately, he refilled the glass and drank that one, too. He slumped down in his seat at the bar, his chin cupped in his left hand, holding the next drink in his right hand.  
"Colonel Young?" a surprised voice sounded out of the dark behind him.  
Young turned around and saw Miss Hansen heading towards him.  
"Are you alright?" she asked when Young looked away again, drinking his drink in one long gulp.  
"Sure," he replied and filled his glass again.  
"And what about Lieutenant Johansen and Doctor Rush?" Melody pushed on. The CO seemed to be a bit drunk. She was cautious, particularly because she knew that Rush normally was in Young's bad books.  
Young shrugged his shoulders and tossed another drink down. "Tamara—" he paused, after pronouncing her name in a strange, soft way that made Melody frown. He held the glass of liquor up at eye level before he tossed it down again "—was injured. Probably by Rush." After the fourth glass he believed that Rush was guilty. After his fifth, he was even more convinced.  
"What?" Melody asked, voice dull with disbelief. "What happened to her?"  
Young held another drink in his hand and stared absentmindedly into the clear liquid. His voice came out in a slurred mumble, "Because she isn't available anymore for his... fantasies, he took the first available option! But he made the wrong choice!" Young hissed and gulped down the next drink.  
Shocked by what Young just said, Melody put a hand on her chest, her eyes opened wide.   
_No, that's not possible. Nicholas would never... he was in love with Dr. Perry!_ she thought. She didn't believe a second what Young had said. But why was he accusing Dr. Rush? It must have been more than just the alcohol...   
"Are you sure?" she asked. "Did you see it happen? Is that what Lieutenant Johansen told you?"  
Young had some trouble turning around without falling off the chair and when he finally managed it, he glared daggers at her.  
But Melody was unimpressed, nevertheless she kept a safe distance.  
"That son of a bitch somehow managed to manipulate our memories!"  
"You can't remember?" Melody asked. "Any of you?" the girl pressed on.  
"No! But there's no other explanation for what happened to Tamara!" Young yelled, angry at her.  
Melody took a step back.   
"Listen, Colonel, maybe we can bring back your memories. I'm sure it wasn't Doctor Rush, he would never..." Melody couldn't even finish the sentence.  
Mad about her defending Rush, Everett jumped to his feet. He almost fell over and grabbed her upper arms, grip tightening with his anger. His face came near hers and Melody almost gagged when she smelled the alcohol. Quickly she turned her face to the side. His hands on her arms became more and more vice-like and the Colonel started to shake her while he yelled at her.   
"Who else could it have been?! He's always the one who causes trouble. I should have never left—"  
"Melody! Colonel Young!" a voice interrupted them. It was Eli. Young froze and turned towards the other man.  
"Is everything alright?" Eli asked suspiciously, pointedly looking at where Young's hands were still clenched around Melody's upper arms. The young woman's face was screwed up in pain, but she didn't say anything.  
Young suddenly let go of Melody. He glowered at her once more, took the bottle from the bar and left.   
The girl rubbed carefully over her arms where Young had grabbed her. She was deeply shocked about him losing his temper and became more worried about Nick.  
"Mel, are you alright?" Eli asked. "What was that all about?" he added, walking towards her.  
"I'm fine," Melody said. "Luckily you dropped by, otherwise..." she trailed off, didn't dare to speak the rest of her thoughts aloud.  
"What just happened here?" Eli asked again.  
"It's not that important," Melody said, waving him off. "But listen, it seems all three of them can't remember what had happened on the planet. At least, that's what the Colonel said. Is there a way to bring their memories back?"  
"I wouldn't know how," Eli said and shrugged his shoulders.  
"Eli, this is important," Melody pressed. "We have to find out what happened! Otherwise, I fear the Colonel will do something bad to... someone."  
Eli didn't understand half of what Melody was talking about, but he knew she wouldn’t be this worried and agitated without a reason.   
"Okay, okay," he gave in. "We should start by searching Destiny's database, maybe we can find something there."  
Melody didn't even wait for him to say anything else before rushing off, headed towards the bridge. Eli followed her.

Colonel Young was on his way to the infirmary. He was going to fix that Rush. By now the alcohol had clouded his senses completely and he couldn't walk in a straight line anymore. He weaved down the corridors, bumping and smacking into the walls, using them to support himself as he made his way. He finally came to a halt at the last corner before the infirmary. With a last, big gulp he emptied the bottle, tossed it carelessly behind himself and stumbled around the corner.  
A soldier stood there, guarding the door. When he took notice of the Colonel, he stared at him for a moment in stunned surprise and saluted. "Colonel."  
Young simply ignored him and went to enter the infirmary, but the guard blocked his way.   
"I’m sorry, Colonel, but Doctor Brightman gave strict orders that no visitors are allowed."  
"I don't... give a shit ‘bout Doc-Doctor Brightman and her orders,” Young slurred, drunkenly swaying. “I'm still your C...CO. Now... step aside or-or I'll get you off this damn ship myself!"  
At first, the guard didn't know what to do. He had received his orders from Lt. Scott and as far as he knew, the Colonel was not on duty. Aside from that, Young’s current inebriated state spoke volumes. The guard pulled himself together, flexed his muscles as he stood to his full height and stood his ground. "Sir, I'm sorry, but I have my orders."  
Young couldn't believe what he had heard! He stumbled closer, still using the wall to support himself and prevent himself from falling over. "You'll step out of way immed-immediately, otherwise—"  
"Colonel?" a voice from behind interrupted him. "Is there a problem?" It was Scott. Troubled from what Chloe had told him, hadn't been able to sleep and had gone out for a jog so he wouldn't disturb Chloe. She needed some rest. The voice of the Colonel had sounded oddly unsteady and he'd wanted to check what was going on. When he realized that his CO was strongly intoxicated, he frowned in surprise. He looked to the guard, who seems to be relieved to see him.  
The guard looked at the Lieutenant. "The Colonel wanted to go to the infirmary, but..."   
"Colonel." Scott said calmly, aware of the possibly dangerous situation. "You can't go in there now. It's in the middle of the night and TJ is asleep. You'll slow down her healing process if you wake her up right now." He carefully chose the words, hoping they'd sink into Young's booze-soaked brain and make sense, make him see reason.  
But, of course, he should have known it wouldn't have worked.  
"I don't wanna... wanna see TJ, I wanna see Rush!" Young yelled and tried to make his way past the guard again. Scott nodded at the soldier and they both grabbed the Colonel's arms to stop him. Of course this drove Young mad and he started to yell and thrash, trying to break free.  
The doors of the sickbay opened and Dr. Willis appeared. "What's going on out here" he asked, looking between the three men.  
"The Colonel wanted to visit TJ, but we're just making it clear to him that now is a bad time for a visit," Scott said, trying to play down the situation a bit.  
Young had calmed down in the meantime, mostly because he couldn't move an inch. Dr. Willis stepped closer, smelled the alcohol wafting off the man.   
"Colonel, you better head back to your quarters and go to sleep. Lieutenant Johansen is fine and asleep. And if you don't follow my orders in the next twenty seconds, I'll put you to sleep. Do I made myself clear?" Dr. Willis had a friendly smile on his lips as he spoke to the Colonel.  
Scott piped up, "I'll take him back to his quarters—personally. Thank you, doctor."  
"Anytime," Dr. Willis said.  
The doors closed again and Scott whispered in Young's ear, "Sir, with all due respect, but you're completely drunk. I'll bring you back to your quarters—where you will stay. Do I made myself clear?"  
Something in Scott's voice apparently made the Colonel give up and he nodded.  
"Good. I’m letting go of you now and then we'll leave." Scott loosened his grip and nodded towards the guard, who removed his hands as well. Luckily, the earlier act of violence had brought the Colonel back to his senses a bit and he stayed peaceful. Wordlessly, he let Scott take him by his arm and followed the Lieutenant to his quarters. As soon as he got in, he fell face-first onto his bed and was asleep immediately.  
Matt looked down on his CO and didn't know what to think. One thing was clear: the Colonel was headed down the wrong path and Scott was worried that someday he would do something he'd regret. He really needed to talk Young, even if he was the commanding officer. Before Matt left, he took the boots off the drunken man and loosened his belt buckle.

Two hours later, and Melody was still wide awake after the incident with Colonel. Eli, on the other hand, had fallen asleep in this seat. Melody smirked when he started to snore softly. She carefully shook Eli by his shoulder and the young man woke with a start.  
"What...! I'm awake, I'm awake..." Eli stammered. He needed a moment to remember where he was.  
"Eli, go to bed," Melody said softly. "I'm sorry I roped you into this."  
"No, no, that's okay," Eli said. He rubbed at his eyes and pressed a few buttons.  
"Eli. Go," Melody said again, this time she had laid her hand on his shoulder and smiled at him.  
He looked at her for a moment, unsure what to do. He yawned widely. "You're sure?" he asked.  
Melody couldn't help laughing. "I’m sure. We can continue our search tomorrow."  
"Well... okay. Good night then," Eli said a bit hesitantly. After a moment, he stood and gave her a last look as he left the bridge.  
Melody had already turned towards a console again and went on searching the database. The hissing sound of the doors closing told her, that she was alone.   
"Gwen!" she said aloud into the silence, hoping the A.I. would hear her. Seconds later, her sister had appeared in front of her, a warm smile on her face.  
"Hello, Melody," she greeted.  
"Gwen, I could use some help," Melody said, coming straight to the point. She gave a shortened version of what had happened, but left out the incident with Colonel Young.   
"Is there a way to bring back their memories? I'm really worried about Nicholas. Colonel Young is holding him responsible for..." she trailed off but Gwen nodded, understanding without Melody having to finish.  
"If Doctor Rush is willing to use the chair, maybe I could connect to him, try to break the blockade."  
"I knew you would help me!" Melody said, excited. "First thing in the morning I'll talk to Nicholas," she said cheerfully.   
But Gwen dampened her enthusiasm by saying, "Melody, before you talk to him, you should consider the fact that maybe he doesn't want to have his memories back."  
"I'm absolutely sure it wasn't him and he knows he would never do such thing," Melody said, determined.  
"That might be true, but did you think about what actually happened to him?"  
Melody looked at her thoughtfully. "Do you think Young might have hurt him 'cause he wanted to avenge TJ? But that would mean— After all, it was him, who... This doesn't make any sense!"  
"I don't know what happened," Gwen pointed out. "I'm just saying, you should check out which kind of injury Doctor Rush had suffered before talking to him. If he didn't touch Lieutenant Johansen, and his trousers were soaked in blood, don't you think it's possible he was violated in a similar way as Lieutenant Johansen?"  
Melody expression was one of concern. She hadn't thought of that... She was so focused on proving to Colonel Young that Rush was innocent, that she actually forgot about his condition. She would ask Rush to remember what had been done to him— No, she would stop speculating right now. The idea the A.I. just gave her made her sick. It was most likely just only his leg that was injured. But somehow, she felt that the A.I. was right.  
"I'm ... I'm going to talk to him," Melody finally said.  
"Wouldn't it be better if Colonel Young were to give it a try?" Gwen suggested.  
Melody shook her head at once. "No, he is out of sorts with both you and me. I better not trouble him with something like that." Absently, she rubbed over her arms where Young had grabbed her.  
"Very well. You know what you have to do." With that, Gwen was gone again.  
Melody stayed for some time, her thoughts racing. Maybe it would be better to wait until Nicholas was feeling better. On the other hand, waiting too long wasn't an option either. How could she know what Young was up to? The way she had seen him earlier, she trusted him to do anything. She decided to pay Dr. Rush a visit the next morning and see how he felt. With a queasy feeling, she headed to her quarters.  
When Colonel Young woke up he had a pounding headache and gave a pained moan when he sat up. He could only remember sitting in Brody's still. But he couldn’t have had that much to drink, had he? And how did he get in his bed? He slowly made his way to the edge of the bed, sitting slumped over as he massaged his throbbing temples with his fingertips until someone knocked at his door.  
"Come in," he said, surprised to hear how strange his voice sounded. It didn't sound like him at all.  
The doors opened and Lt. Scott entered. "Good morning, Sir," he greeted Young with a neutral expression.  
"Lieutenant." Young greeted him back. "Do you have something important to tell me?"  
The young man looked the Colonel over. "I think so, Sir."  
Young sighed inaudibly, thankfully not catching Scott’s attention. He wasn't yet clear-headed for a conversation. Nevertheless, he offered Scott a seat. "Have a seat."  
"Thank you, Sir, but I prefer to stand," Matt replied.  
"Okay. What’s so important?"  
"Well, Sir, I think it is necessary to talk about last night," Scott started hesitantly.  
Young frowned. "Last night? Why? Has something happened?"  
"Sir, with all due respect, but you were smashed and were about to force entry to the infirmary. Have you forgotten about that?"  
Young stared, flabbergasted. Slowly, his memories came back. He remembered what happened to TJ and that he had somehow worked out a drunken logic that put the blame on Rush.   
"Yes, maybe I was... bumbling around a little, Lieutenant. Don't worry, it won't happen again. Is there anything else you'd like to say?" Young’s tone of voice was like ice and Scott realized, that the Colonel would not tolerate another word about that issue.  
Matt hesitated a moment, considered if he was going to take the risk and press the issue, but the look in Young’s eyes told him he was better doing off dropping the subject. "No, Sir. I just wanted to make sure you're alright."  
"I am, Lieutenant. Thank you. You are dismissed."  
"Yes, Sir." The young Lt. turned around and left his CO alone. He paused in front of the closed doors and took a deep breath. That hadn’t exactly gone like he had planned and hoped for. But what else could he do?   
Under no circumstances did he want to talk about this delicate issue with Camile Wray. She would contact the IOA at once, and most likely try to discredit the Colonel so she could take over. But, he was knew if there was anyone that could get through to the Colonel, it would be TJ, but that would have to wait some time.   
With a sigh, he headed for the mess to get some breakfast. Then he would turn in for his shift to guard the infirmary. He just hoped Young wouldn't try to gain access to the sickbay without permission a second time.


	4. Melody's plan

Melody passed on breakfast this morning. Given the upcoming conversation with Dr. Rush in a few moments, she couldn't even think about eating.   
With a throbbing heart she arrived in front of the infirmary and was promptly stopped by the guard.   
"Please, this is very important," she said, trying to talk the soldier into letting her through. "I have to talk to Doctor Rush urgently."  
"I'm sorry, Miss, but I have my orders," the man said dutifully.  
The girl sighed.   
"Listen, I didn't come for a courtesy visit to have a coffee. I have to discuss the possibility with Doctor Rush to gain his memories back so we can find out what happened on that planet. This should also be in the interest of Lieutenant Johansen and Colonel Young!" She spoke urgently, sensing that she might have at least made him think about her request.  
But he still wouldn't let her pass.  
"Come on, do I really have to go look for a knife to inflict a wound to myself so you'd let me pass?" she asked.   
The soldier seemed to realize that she wasn't joking and her request was a serious one. "Very well. I'll talk to a physician, see if you're allowed to come in. Wait here."  
"Thanks," the girl said relieved and looked curiously inside when the doors opened. But she only could see partition walls before the infirmary doors closed again.   
Melody was impatiently hopping from one foot to the other. It took some minutes until the doors opened again and the guard reappeared.   
"The doctor is waiting for you," he said.  
"Thank you," she said again and entered. She looked around quickly and saw Dr. Boone (at least she thought it was his name) wave her over.  
"And you are?" he asked her.  
"Melody Hansen," she replied and shook the hand he offered.  
"Miss Hansen, I am Doctor Willis. So, I heard you may have found a way to bring our patients memories back? Why didn't you tell Colonel Young first?"  
The young woman sighed softly and quickly explained; "The Colonel is out of sorts with me at the moment, at least I think he is. I believe he wouldn't approve of my idea, anyway. And—" she hastily added when she saw the doctor opening his mouth, surely to ask why would that be, "I have to talk to Doctor Rush first, see if it's possible after all. I need him for the procedure because his brain patterns are already downloaded." Melody only gave a general description and hoped it would be enough of an explanation.   
The physician pursed his lips and considered her words carefully.  
"Is Doctor Rush awake? Can I talk to him?" Melody asked.  
"No, he's still asleep. But maybe this matter would be worth waking him." The doctor clearly hesitated and the young woman gave him a puzzled look.  
"Shall I come back later?" she offered.  
"Miss Hansen," Dr. Willis began, still hesitant. "I don't know you're aware of the injuries Doctor Rush sustained."  
Melody looked uncomfortable. "I don't know any details, but I know that Colonel Young accused him of... having... to TJ..." She couldn't say out the next words out loud, but Dr. Willis understood.   
He sighed. "Let's just say the injuries Doctor Rush has suffered are not normal. Listen, both Lieutenant Johansen and Doctor Rush were violated in a most brutal and detestable way. Always keep that in mind. I'll only allow you to talk to him because we really have to find out what happened. If you can do that, Miss Hansen, and need Dr. Rush for that, ask him. With caution."  
"Yes, doctor. Thank you." The young woman looked down sadly. So Gwen had been right with her assumption. Her concerns for Nicholas were growing many times over and she clenched her fists thinking about it.  
"Please wait outside for a moment."  
Dr. Willis waited until Melody had left the infirmary, then walked around the partition walls where Dr. Rush laid. "Doctor Rush?" he asked in a low voice and put his hand on the other man's shoulder.  
The Scot opened his eyes sleepily.  
"Doctor Rush, are you up to receiving a visitor? A Miss Hansen asked for permission to talk to you. It's probably about getting your memories back."  
Rush needed a moment to fully wake and realize what the doctor had said to him. Memories... did he even want to remember? Yes, he had to. He had to find out what had happened. But he still was deeply embarrassed about what had happened to him and he didn't know if he was ready to deal with it.  
"Doctor Rush? If you're not feeling up to it, I can send her away," Dr. Willis said  
"Does she know what happened?" Rush asked.  
"Well, it seems she knows from Colonel Young what happened to Lieutenant Johansen, so she probably suspects something similar," the doctor said carefully.   
Rush sighed and his jaw flexed as he grit his teeth. "Send her in," he eventually said.  
Dr. Willis nodded and went to the exit to ask the visitor in.  
Rush clenched his fists, relaxed them and clenched them again until the young woman entered his private space.  
"Doctor Rush," Melody greeted him shyly, voice quiet.  
"You found a way to bring back our memories?" Rush asked, coming straight to the point.  
Melody swallowed and stepped closer. "I hope so," she said and understood Nicholas' unspoken rule; that they discuss only her idea, not about his condition. She accepted it.   
She gave him a short summary of her plan to use the chair and Nicholas seem to approve of her idea. "Breaking a memory blockade will most likely be a bit... unpleasant," Melody added.  
"It's probably worth it," Nicholas said dryly.  
Melody sensed the conversation was over now. "Well... I'd better leave. When you're allowed to be out of bed, everything will be ready."  
Rush only nodded and then closed his eyes. Another hint he wanted to be alone.  
Melody felt a lump in her threat. What had been done to him? This wasn't fair. She was quick to turn around and leave, walking over to Dr. Willis. She felt an urge to warn him about Colonel Young.   
"Doctor, you should maybe keep an eye on Colonel Young," she said quietly, making sure they stood out of the other patients hearing range.  
"Really?" the physician replied, interested.  
"Well, last night the Colonel was strongly intoxicated and I fear he holds Doctor Rush responsible for what happened to Lieutenant Johansen. Please, just make sure he can't come near Doctor Rush as long as we can't prove he's innocent. I'm worried."  
Dr. Willis raised both eyebrows and scrutinized the young woman. But he took her warning seriously because he had seen the Col. for himself. "Don't worry, Miss Hansen, it is not for nothing that we've deployed a guard outside."  
Melody nodded. "Thank you, for allowing me to talk to him. Would you please let me know when Doctor Rush will be released?"  
"Of course," Dr. Willis agree. "But you may reckon that we keep him here for some days. First, his wound has to heal."  
"Thank you," she said softly and left the infirmary.

The physicians, who rotated their shifts around the clock, kept Lt. Johansen and Dr. Rush in the infirmary for another week. Col. Young asked more than once to be allowed to visit TJ, but neither of the doctors, nor Tamara herself, allowed it. Admittedly, the Col. had noticeably pulled himself together after his late-night freak-out and did his usual routines after Dr. Brightman had allowed him to work again.   
Nevertheless, the physicians thought it would be best to keep him out of the infirmary.  
TJ preferred to be on her own at first, or at least tolerated Chloe's attendance. As time passed, the pain lessened and her frame of mind became better. She still was pensive, but since she had no memory on the incident and she felt better, it was almost as if it had just a bad dream which was slowly fading.

It seem the same applied to Dr. Rush. Or, at least, he made such an impression. It took longer until the skin grew together, but he didn't complain and constantly asked when he'd be allowed to go back to work again.  
Camile Wray offered them both counseling sessions the first days, but they refused. She had reckoned Dr. Rush would reject her offer, but hadn't expected it of Lt. Johansen. Since she had done the psychological conversations when the crew was stranded here, Camile thought the medic would talk to her. She questioned Chloe about Tamara's well-being, but the young girl could only tell her that Tamara was introverted, only talked about trivial topics if she'd talk at all, since most of the time she didn't say anything at all.  
So she decided to pay TJ a visit when she was released to her quarters. Behind closed doors, she would eventually talk to her.   
In the case of Dr. Rush, she was conflicted. Since the civilians had to try regain control of the ship, both had had some deeper conversations, but Camile wouldn't dare to say she knew Rush or he would entrust himself to her. Actually, she only had two options: sending a male colleague or let him be in peace. She talked to Dr. Willis about Rush, they both agreed to offer the scientist to talk to a male psychologist. But, as was expected, Rush rejected the offer even in the beginning and angrily sent Dr. Willis away before he could even finish his sentence.  
Both Dr. Willis and Camile were seriously worried about Rush's intense reaction, but they also couldn't force him. So they agreed to keep a close eye on him.

The day before both patients were to be released to their quarters, Dr. Willis remembered his promise to inform Miss Hansen about their release. Plus he wanted to know if they'd be successful. So he sent for her.   
Melody arrived only a few minutes later and asked if something had happened. The physician was quick to placate her.   
"Don't worry, Miss Hansen, as promised I just wanted to let you know that we'll release Doctor Rush to his quarters tomorrow. Maybe you want to talk to him again?"  
"Yes," she said, relieved and thankful. After all, she hadn't seen the scientist in a whole week.  
Dr. Willis made a gesture that she was allowed to go to the patient and the girl walked over to Dr. Rush's bed. Most of the partition walls had been removed in the meantime and both patients laid in the back of the infirmary, where they still had some privacy.  
"Doctor Rush?" Melody said as she approached, giving him advance notice that she was on her way.  
"Is the Destiny alright?" he asked at once.  
"She's holding up, but that's not why I am here. Shall we still try to bring back your memories?" she asked carefully.  
Rush looked at his wrists, which were mostly healed now, and nodded. "Yes, we should do that," he murmured.  
"Do you feel up to it? I could prepare the repository for tomorrow."  
Rush nodded again. "Yes, would be a nice change than lying around here." The usual irony was resonating in his tone, but Melody knew, he was only trying to hide his uneasiness.  
"Very well. Just meet me there tomorrow morning. I should have finished everything by then." Rush just nodded. Melody turned around and walked over to Dr. Willis. "We'll give it a try tomorrow morning," she informed him quietly.  
"Please let me know when the experiment is over. By the way, Miss Wray informed Colonel Young about your plan earlier. He wasn't very delighted to learn you'd decided that over his head, I can tell you. But Miss Wray used all her powers of persuasion and he finally allowed it."  
Melody sighed loudly. That was just what she needed: the Colonel involved. "Seems I forgot that in all the excitement," she said ironically.  
Dr. Willis gave her a sharp look. "Miss Hansen, I am just a surgeon major in the SGC, but as far as I am aware of, even here on Destiny, there are rules which you cannot mess up. And even if you have some problems with Colonel Young, he is still the CO on board. So, I'm going to give some well-meaning advice: don't you ever again decide something over Colonel's head. It'll only cause you a lot of trouble. You should thank Miss Wray later that she was able to calm the waves."  
Given this verbal slap, Melody's face reddened. She felt terribly guilty and angry. Of course the doctor was right, she should have informed the Colonel, but she also had damn good reasons for not doing so. Until now, she had told no one about how Young had grabbed and shaken her and for a short moment she wanted to defend herself by telling the doctor.  
 _But that would be pointless_ , she thought angrily and took a deep breath to calm down. "I'm sorry," she said, at least partially honest. "Of course, you’re right. It won't happen again."  
"It’s just in your own interest," the physician said, trying to ease his earlier harsh words.  
"I'll prepare everything for tomorrow and as soon as we know if it worked, we'll let you know."  
"Thank you. Good-bye, Miss Hansen."  
"Good-bye," she murmured and almost fled from the infirmary.


	5. Disappearance

Young stalked around in his office. Camile had just left and he'd managed to convince her that he was irritated by Miss Hansen's arbitrary act, but would let her do as she liked. The truth was, however, that he was beside himself with rage—an emotion he wasn't used to. At least not for something rather insignificant. How often had Rush done things on his own. Admittedly, Young had been angry but after he had given the Scot a piece of his mind, they butted heads and argued and then the case was settled. Until the next time.  
But this time, he felt such anger that he would like to have done nothing better than beat the daylights out of the young woman had she been here. How dare she protect Rush after all he had done?  
The Colonel let out an infuriated yell and whipped an arm across his desk, pushing everything off in one hostile move. He felt only a bit better after that and let himself drop down onto the couch. When he saw the chaos he had caused, he slowly came to his mind and calmed down.  
 _What's the matter with me?_ he thought.  
He stayed on the couch for some time. When he felt calm enough again, and thought he could control his anger, he tidied up and decided to take a walk through the ship.

After Melody left the infirmary, she headed to her quarters to write, finish or adapt all necessary programs she would need. After, she had fallen asleep and lost some precious hours of work, she made her way during the artificial night to the repository to be ready in time. It took longer than she had thought and she wasn’t finished until early morning.   
She was just checking the last settings when she heard the doors opening behind her. She thought it was Dr. Rush, who had been particular about 'early morning', but when she turned around the smile on her face she normally reserved for the Scot vanished. Instead her eyes widened in fear and in the next moment she was hit hard in her face, smashed against the back of the chair and fell unconscious.

Dr. Rush couldn't wait to finally be released from sickbay. Once the artificial morning set in, he summoned Dr. Brightman to his bed, who had rotated with Dr. Willis, appearing in shape of Camile Wray, and almost begged to be allowed to leave.  
"Doctor Rush, not so fast!" the doctor said, slightly peevish at Rush’s impatience. "First, I want to check on your wound again."  
Rush narrowed his eyes and looked uncomfortable. He hated the procedure. But if he ever wanted to leave, he had to endure it. "If you have to," he snarled.  
"Yes, I do," Dr. Brightman replied calmly and moved a partition wall into position, shielding Rush from the sight of the door should someone come in unexpectedly.  
In the meantime, Nicholas turned onto his stomach, his fists clenched involuntarily when the physician removed the blanket first and then his pants carefully, which he’d been allowed to wear again for the past two days. He felt his cheeks burning even if he was aware that it wasn't Camile but a doctor from the SGC who examined his most intimate body part. He felt vulnerable, exposed, embarrassed and was angry at the perpetrator.  
He winced when he felt Dr. Brightman’s delicate touch in a place even Gloria hadn't touched.  
"The wound looks good, the skin has grown together, but in the coming weeks you'll have to overcome some hurdles. You should start with some stretching exercises to smooth the scar tissue. Try to avoid sitting too long and use a pillow or a soft bolster. Do you know how long the procedure with the ancient chair will take?"  
"No, but I can rule out that it's done within five minutes," he answered brusquely to conceal his embarrassment.  
Dr. Brightman sighed. It wasn't a pleasure for her either to poke around in the private parts of her patient, but she was a doctor and the only thing she cared about was how the wound looked and the progress of healing.  
"Are you sure you don't want to wait a few more days until you can sit longer?" she suggested.  
"I thought we both had agreed how important it is to find out what happened?" the Scot retorted snappishly.  
"Well, you’ll have to deal with the pain afterwards. You may leave. But when you're finished in the repository, you'll go to your quarters."  
"Of course," Rush murmured. He couldn't care less about what Dr. Brightman just had said. He rose carefully, feeling a dragging pain emerging from his wound, but he bit his lips and took his time dressing again. Dr. Brightman gave him a helping hand.  
"Thank you," the scientist murmured quietly and made a few careful steps towards the door. As long as he walked slowly and kept his steps small, it was bearable.  
"Doctor Rush!" Dr. Brightman called after him, just when he’d reached the door. "I reckon you'll keep me informed once you’ve finished."  
Rush just nodded and headed directly to the repository.

When he arrived he was surprised that no one was there. However, Melody's computer was standing on a console, opened, with a running program.  
"Miss Hansen?" he called out loud into the room, but he got no answer. He entered and checked for the program. Obviously she had completed it.   
_Maybe she just went to her quarters again_ , he thought and grabbed for his radio.  
"Miss Hansen? This is Doctor Rush." Surprised, he turned around when he heard his voice coming from behind the console. Puzzled, he looked behind the console and saw her radio lying on the floor. Hesitantly, he lifted it up and then looked around the room with slightly narrowed eyes. His gaze stopped at the chair when he saw something. It looked like a stain. He went over and stroked his finger through it. It left a reddish tinge and he knew it was blood. The likelihood of it being Melody's blood was high. But what had happened here? And where was the girl?  
He wasn't sure if it was a good idea to inform Colonel Young. After what he had heard in the infirmary, pretending he was asleep, the Colonel seemed to think he had raped Lieutenant Johansen. He could imagine it was why the door was guarded. Because he couldn't—and didn't want to—inform the Colonel, he radioed Eli instead.

The young man appeared 5 minutes later.  
"Doctor Rush! Are you feeling better?" Eli greeted him, delighted.  
But Rush waved him off. "Did you see Miss Hansen?" he asked, without answering Eli’s question.   
Eli was puzzled and frowned. "Not since yesterday. Just contact her by radio?" he suggested.  
Rush shook his head. "Her radio was left behind that console." He pointed over towards where he’d found it abandoned, then to where Melody's computer was standing. "Plus, her computer is still here. And there's blood on the back of the chair. So, where is Miss Hansen?"  
Eli went pale. "What? Blood? Are you sure it is her’s?"  
"Quite sure. We wanted to meet here to jog my memory. Now her radio is lying here, her laptop is open and a program is still running. There are no reports about an accident in this room and she is gone without a trace."  
"I'll check her quarters," Eli said at once and wanted to leave, but Rush held him back.  
"Check in with me at once if you've found her. If you don't find her, it would probably the best to inform Colonel Young, so he can organize a search party. At least she has to be still on the ship."  
"Got it," Eli said and hurried off.  
Rush sighed. He had a bad feeling about this. Someone must have been responsible for her disappearance. At least Rush didn't think if she’d just had fallen over she'd go to her quarters, leaving everything behind. And knowing that was exactly what was bothering him.  
While he waited for Eli's report, he looked over the program still running on the laptop and read through the calculations Melody had made. As far as he could, she had finished all necessary settings and, theoretically, he could begin. At that moment Eli's voice came over Rush's radio.  
"Doctor Rush? I couldn't find her. She wasn’t in her quarters, the control room nor the mess. No one has seen her, I asked everyone who crossed my path."  
"Then it's best if you inform Colonel Young. We have to search the ship for her," Rush answered.  
"Okay, I'll check in later with you." Eli closed the connection and looked for a moment absent minded onto the chair. Eventually he closed the laptop, grabbed for Melody's radio and took them along to his quarters. He'd wait what the Colonel would do.

He didn't have to wait long to get his answer. Right after Eli had explained the situation to him, he had sent his people off and paid Rush a visit personally.  
"Come in," Rush said when someone knocked at his door. He sat on his bed and when he saw Young standing in his doorstep, he winced noticeably and instinctively tried to move backwards.  
Young had placed his arms behind his back and stayed. Rush could clearly see that the Colonel was tense. His jaw muscles flexed as he gritted his teeth and it seemed he needed all of his will power to stay passive.  
Rush remained where he was, as defensive as possible to give him no reason to snap. Silently he waited until Young would say something.  
"Mister Wallace informed you about the disappearance of Miss Hansen," Rush eventually began.  
"We will find her. And you’d do well not to get in my way,” Young gnashed.  
"Colonel Young, I assure you, I haven't touched Lieutenant Johansen in any way—“ Rush tried to explain.   
Young interrupted with a hissed "Don't!" He took a deep breath to calm down and went on, "I just dropped by to inform you that you're restricted to your quarters until further notice."  
"Colonel, let me try the chair,” Rush said. “Then we’ll know what happened. Miss Hansen has prepared everything and I could right now—“  
"Rush!" Young yelled at him and Nicholas winced, which caused stabbing pain between his legs. He gasped and realized that Young appeared to be pleased that he was in pain. He controlled himself just in time to clench his fists and simply nodded.   
Young didn't say anything more, turned around and left.   
The doors closed again and Nicholas took a deep breath. He even didn't consider staying in his quarters. He’d already decided that he would give Melody's plan a try and he knew exactly who would help him. But he would wait... At least until he could be sure he wouldn't cross Young's path.   
Carefully, and accompanied by the stabbing pain, he crawled off the bed and locked his door. Just to be on the safe side. One could never tell...

He stayed in his quarters the whole day and Eli kept him informed. They had searched the ship for hours, even the off limit areas, but the girl was nowhere to be found.  
In the afternoon, Dr. Willis payed Rush a visit and brought some fresh water along with something to eat. To Rush's displeasure, Dr. Willis checked on his wound again and then showed him some flexing exercises to stretch the skin and keep the scar smooth. Eager to be able to move without pain, Rush used the rest of the day to exercise as much as he could.  
Late in the evening there was another knock at his door.  
"Come in," Rush said at once, he didn't reckon Young would be paying him another visit. He was right. This time Eli stood outside. "Mister Wallace, come in."  
The young man obeyed and took a seat on the edge of Rush's bed after the Scot had made an inviting gesture.  
"We have really looked everywhere for her," Eli began. "In the smallest storeroom and even behind some energy conduits, even in every possible niches or hollows. Nothing. We just can't find her!"  
The boy appeared to be deeply upset, but there was nothing Rush could do for him now. He was absolutely sure that Melody’s disappearance had something to do with her attempt to bring his memory back.   
"Eli, I need your help,” Rush said. “If I can find out what had happened on the planet, I'm sure we'll find Miss Hansen."  
"What gives you that idea?" Eli asked, frowning  
Rush sighed. "It really would be a strange coincidence that Miss Hansen's disappearance and her plan would not be related. Someone seems to want to prevent that I gain my memories back."  
"And who should have an objection against that?" Eli asked. He could think of no one of the crew.  
"Colonel Young," Rush said simply.  
Eli's eyes opened wide. A skeptical laugh came out of his throat. "That's ridiculous! The Colonel ordered every single member to search for Melody! And why should he prevent you from remembering? It would benefit him as well if he knows what happened."  
"Not, if he was the attacker," the Scot argued.  
Eli stared at Rush in disbelief. "Doc, I know, you and Colonel Young are not the best of friends, but he wouldn’t do something like that." Rush's expression grew dark and quite serious and Eli's disbelieving smile faded when he saw his boss.  
"You shouldn't bet your life on it, Mister Wallace," Rush said.  
 _After all, the Colonel had beaten me up until I lost consciousness and abandoned me on that planet to die_ , Rush remembered bitterly. He knew better than anyone of what that man was capable of.  
Although he trusted the Colonel could do such sickening cruelty, he also knew that Young would never harm Lieutenant Johansen. So there had to be a reason and Rush had to find out. Now more than ever.  
Eli was still staring at him and couldn't believe what he had just heard. He snorted in disbelief. "Come on, Doc, you can't possibly be serious, can you?"  
"Mister Wallace, have you ever heard me telling jokes?" Rush replied, deadly serious.  
Eli's jaw dropped and his eyes widened. The young man realized that Rush wasn't joking at all. He licked his suddenly dry lips and nodded. "Okay, what do you want me to do?"  
"Monitor the program of Miss Hansen while I'm sitting in the chair,” the scientist said and started to carefully crawl off his bed again.   
Eli stood beside the bed, looking a bit helplessly to Rush, who made a hissing sound and screw up his face in pain.   
"Do you want me to support you?" Eli offered but Rush denied the offer.  
It took them quite a while to reach the repository and Rush sat carefully down on the chair.  
"Okay, I can see a program here which just has to be activated. You mean that?" Eli asked, after he connected Melody's laptop and familiarized himself with the program.  
"Yes, activate it."  
"Okay," Eli said and pressed a button. Instantly, the bindings over Rush's wrists and ankles closed and the neural electrodes swung down and attached to his temples.  
Eli quickly checked Rush's pulse but it was strong and steady.   
"So far, so good," he murmured and stepped back behind the console to monitor the procedure.

Nicholas felt a pressure in his head as he was connected to the Destiny.   
_Hello, Doctor Rush. I'm happy to see you again_ , he heard a familiar voice say in his head.  
 _You're the A.I.,_ he said when he realized. _So this was Miss Hansen's plan, she asked you to help._  
 _Indeed. Didn't she tell you?_ The voice sounded surprised now.  
 _Not really. But I’m sure she would have, if she hadn't disappeared_ , Nicholas explained quickly.  
 _What do you mean disappeared?_ The A.I. pressed on.  
Rush explained what he had encountered in the repository and the A.I. sounded deeply concerned.  
 _Something must have happened to her. It is very likely it has something to do with her plan._  
 _We can assume that. So, can you bring back my memories?_ Rush asked, now impatient.  
 _We'll find out in a few moments. Try to bring back the last memory you have from the planet and be prepared. Breaking the blockade could be painful._  
 _Understood_ , the Scot said and summoned the memory. It was TJ and himself in the field and then the sudden shadow which came nearer.  
 _This is it_ , he heard the A.I. _Try to focus on it!_  
And Nicholas tried. He felt another pressure in his head, which grew stronger. It was like trying to stir a gooey paste with a much too long cooking spoon.  
 _Try to remember what happened after that_ , he heard the A.I. again and he did as it said. But he only could remember the shadow...  
Until it became clearer.  
Rush gasped when the shadow grew deformed, shrank, came closer, backed off again and was forced to change into impossible figures.   
The same happening to the shadow also happened to Rush, at least it felt like it. The scientist tried to keep his form, but he was deformed until he no longer knew which was up or down.   
He suddenly felt stabbing, tearing pains all over his body. He cried out in agony that he couldn't hold it back until it became an endless scream.   
It was a pure torment and he wanted to die, wanted it to end. Suddenly the pain stopped at the same moment the shadow melted into a person.   
Painstakingly, he lifted his head to see who had attacked him.   
It was Colonel Young who stood above him, an expression on his face Rush had never seen before. Beyond madness and diabolically smirking he looked down at his victim just before he sprang at him.


	6. Memories

Rush knew these were his buried memories, but he didn't want to see them; not now, he wasn't prepared. But once they were free, they broke their way through his subconscious, unstoppable as they surfaced into his head.  
Young dragged him to the ground and had a hand on his throat when TJ showed up beside them.  
She cried out a startled, "Everett! Let go of him!"   
She grabbed Young from behind by his jacket and tried to pull him off Rush. Young turned towards her, without loosening his grip on Rush's throat, and said with a grin, "Well then, ladies first."  
Ignoring TJ's attempts to drag him away, Young squeezed Rush's throat until the scientist became weak and closed his eyes. He removed his hand at once and Nick could finally breathe again, however he was semi-conscious. But he was fully aware of what was happening beside him.  
Young had switched his attention to TJ, grabbed her by both arms and pinned her down. He sat on her legs, his one hand held both of her hands together above her head and with his other hand he started to undress her.  
"Everett, what are you doing!?" TJ cried desperately. She couldn't move under this muscleman.  
Rush tried to reach for Young but he could barely lift his arm.  
Young tore open TJ's jacket and surveyed her upper body, covered only by her top, with relish. He touched her breast and kneaded it brutally.  
"Everett, please..." Rush could hear TJ's tearful voice. "Stop it, please!" She begged him to stop, but it only seemed to motivate him even more.  
He released her arms and stood above her, his legs on either side of her, watching her trying to crawl away from him in fear. Before she was even a few feet away, he grabbed her again by her arms, pulled her up and quickly turned her around so she her back was pressed against his upper body. He slid an arm up and wrapped it around her neck, putting a stranglehold on her. She tried to struggle but the Colonel suddenly seemed to have superhuman strength and his grip didn't even loosen when TJ bit his arm in sheer desperation. He removed her jacket and slid his free hand under her waistband and over her lower belly. TJ, who had both of her hands on his arm squeezing her throat, used all her strength to push him away. She could barely breathe.  
But Young wasn't interested in her attempts. He was in control of his power. He untucked her top from of her pants, let his hand slide under her shirt, over her stomach and finally up to her breasts.  
Rush, who slowly recovered, managed to stand up. Without forethought, he grasped Young's hair from behind, digging his fingers into the collar of his jacket and pulled as hard as he could. It actually worked. Young, surprised that Rush already had recovered, released TJ.  
"Run!" Nicholas cried and Tamara didn't waste another second.  
"That wasn't very nice!" Young said and reached behind himself for Rush's hand in his hair and squeezed it without effort until Rush lost his grip.  
The Scot knew he wouldn't last a minute in a fight, so he didn't hesitate and ran in the other direction. He hadn't made it even 5 meters when his feet were pulled out from under him and he fell, face first, to the ground. An iron-like fist grabbed him by his jacket, he was turned around and the last thing he saw before he was knocked out completely was Young's face rushing towards his as the Colonel headbutted him.

He slowly came to, a continual whimpering the first thing he heard. At first he didn't know where he was but when he opened his eyes carefully, his head pounding painfully, and he saw the field with the plants he remembered.   
He turned his head in the direction where the noise was coming from and saw Colonel Young lying on something a few meters off. Young was naked and moaning in pleasure, the source of the whimpering located beneath him.  
Rush managed to roll over to his side so he could have a better look and he gasped for breath. Young was lying on Tamara, who had nearly lost consciousness. He had undressed her completely, sprawled on top of her, and by his rhythmic motions Rush could tell Young was raping her. Rush blinked and hoped his brain was just playing a trick on him, but the scene didn't change. Given the fact that Young seemed out of his mind and thrust brutally into Tamara, she must be in a great deal of pain. No surprise she was halfway out of it.  
Rush wished she would soon be completely out of it, unable to witness what Young was doing to her. Cold fury grew in him like seldom before and right now he felt like he was ready to kill Young, if it came down to it.   
He struggled to his feet and staggered towards the Colonel who seemed to climax at that moment, his movements becoming uncontrolled before he stilled and he moaned loudly. After a few moments, Young's body sank down on Tamara's, where he stayed, exhausted.  
The young woman had stopped whimpering, was quiet beneath Young and didn't move.   
Rush noticed, with relief, that her breathing was normal.   
_At last, it's better for her_ , he thought.  
He grabbed a flat stone by his side on the ground, weighed it in his hand and made his way over towards Young, who was still lying on top of Tamara. He raised his hand, poised to hit the Colonel in the head, but Young noticed movement behind his back and rolled off the woman the second Rush swung and the Scot stumbled forward.  
"I should have hit you harder. You woke up again much too soon, doctor," Young said scornfully and got to his feet.  
Nicholas decided to change his tactics by talking to Young.   
"Colonel, something is wrong with you!" He pointed to Tamara, who was bleeding between her legs. "You would never force yourself on her! Think, Colonel! Has something happen to you when you were alone? Did you eat or drink something, or did you touch anything unusual?" Rush's voice was pleading.  
"Lemme think..." Young said thoughtfully. He tapped with his index finger against his chin, like he was really mulling it over, eyes slightly closed. He opened his eyes and snapped his fingers, looking at Rush. "No. I don't think so."  
Young sprang at Rush, pinning him down with his weight and quickly kneed Rush in the stomach, knocking the breath out of him. Rush writhed and moaned in pain. Young grabbed him by his neck and easily dragged him a couple feet across the ground until he reached where he had left his clothes. Rush wasn't still able to move and Young used the moment to remove the boot lace off his shoes. He threw them on the ground beside Rush, sat down on his legs and managed to remove Rush's vest and both shirts. Nicholas, who didn't realize in the first moment what happened to him, tried to fight back by punching Young with his fists. Young grabbed his hands, held them together just above his wrists and started to truss them up with the boot laces.  
Rush felt like he was captured in a vice. "Colonel, what are you doing? Stop!" he cried out, begging.  
"Stop? I didn't even start, Nick!" Young used Rush's nickname to humiliate him a bit more. He double checked the bonds and was satisfied. Then he slid off Rush and scrutinized his bared upper body. The scientist was skinny, thin and wiry, but Young could see the muscles under his skin. That pleased him.  
"Colonel, untie me at once!" Rush snarled at him and made another attempt to crawl away. Young grabbed for his belt and easily pulled Rush back closer to him.  
"So determined," Young said and leaned down to kiss Rush.  
The Scot's eyes widened in panic and he struggled when he felt Young's lips on his, but the Colonel held him firmly by the chin. Young's other hand pinned down his bound arms. Rush wasn't able to turn away anymore, had no chance to get away from him. Young pressed a thumb against his jaw, forcing his mouth open so Young could stick his tongue into Rush's mouth.   
Nick started to scream, but it was merely a stifled cry because Young thrust his tongue into his mouth, far enough it was practically down his throat.  
Eventually Young retreated, released his chin and Rush immediately spit in his face. The Colonel just gave him an amused look and wiped his face clean.   
"So determined," he repeated. "You seem to like that."  
Before Rush could say anything, Everett pressed his thumb against his jaw again and thrust his tongue inside until Rush started to wince and desperately tried to fight back, to be able to breathe again.   
Young's cheek covered Rush's nose and he couldn't take a breath through his mouth either. When Nicholas quieted and was in danger of losing consciousness, the Colonel released him and the dazed scientist gasped for breath.  
Young took advantage of Rush's weakened state to strip him completely.   
Nicholas was aware of what was happening to him but he had no strength at all to fight back. The moment he was naked, he felt Young's hand on his right nipple. First Young circled around softly before he pinched it, making him yelp. Young did the same with his left nipple before his hand slid down and Rush was flipped onto his stomach in one quick move.  
Nicholas tried to withdraw, get away, but he was pinned and it was a poor attempt to turn away, and Young held him down easily. Young's hand slid between his legs and Rush winced. Young was near an area he never even thought about being touched before.  
"Colonel Young!" he cried, when Young was just about to enter him. "Stop!"   
But Young didn't listen, he just shoved his finger into Rush's entrance. A stabbing pain flashed through his body when he felt Young's finger inside. He tried to contract his sphincter, but Young was ruthless.   
Then he shoved a second finger into him and began to stretch Rush's entrance.  
The pain was so intense, the whole situation so unbearable and humiliating, that Nicholas' eyes welled up with tears. He wanted it to stop! "Colonel, PLEASE!" he begged desperately, "stop!"  
Young could clearly hear that the scientist was sobbing, but it only gave him a feeling of joy and satisfaction. His index and middle fingers were deep inside Rush's anus, scissoring, and he moved them with enjoyment, perfectly aware how much pain it caused Rush. Then he added his ring finger. He felt his penis stiffen again with arousal.  
Rush screamed in pain, even though he tried to hold back so he wouldn't give Young the satisfaction. He tried to retreat into himself, his mind, but couldn't; he couldn't concentrate on anything else.  
Young stretched him relentlessly, more and more, and Nicholas screamed in agony. He could feel his skin tearing, then a terrible burning pain when Young's finger came in contact with the fresh wound.   
In a last helpless attempt, he braced himself and tried once more to crawl away, but Young just clung around his lower body and jerked him towards him so strongly that Rush was now kneeling.   
Young's knees were between his legs, keeping his thighs splayed out. Young reached for his member and started to massage him there.  
Nicholas could do nothing but kneel there helplessly, his bound hands supporting himself and his head buried between them. Tears ran down his cheeks and Young didn't stop moving in him, stretching and tearing him open.   
He no longer had the strength to scream, he just knelt there and sobbed. Eventually the Colonel removed his fingers and Nicholas hoped Young was finished with him... But he was wrong.   
Young rose a bit and Nicholas could feel his half erect cock against his buttocks.  
 _No, not that, oh god, not that, please_ , he prayed desperately but he felt Young's finger prod at him again, pulling and stretching him open just before he thrust his member into him.   
Rush screamed once more. It was a bad fit and he was stretched more than before.  
Young moaned with pleasure. His member in Rush's ass felt so good! Tight, hot and his balls were better massaged by Rush's buttock than in TJ, where her tights were in the way. He thrust slow but as deep as he could into Rush and felt his erection stiffen more and more.  
Rush felt it and was between a rock and a hard place of burning pain. He wished for the same release like TJ had, passing out and no longer able to feel anything, but the darkness wouldn't come.  
Young took his time at first. He had both hands on Nicholas' hips and pulled the other man towards him as he set a rhythm, timing it as he moved Rush towards him. Eventually he sped up, his movement became unsteady until he was thrusting as hard and deep into Rush as he could, still as he spilled his semen with a loud moan into Rush. He pulled Rush by the hips against him, holding the other man still and tight, wanting to savor the moment as long as possible.

Nicholas felt Young swelling inside him and his movement sped up. Shame and embarrassment had his cheeks burning and he sobbed even more. He felt something warm spreading inside him and hoped his ordeal would be over soon.  
Exhausted, Young leaned on Rush's back and both hands felt for Rush's privates, kneaded his balls and clutched his member while he still was in him.  
Nicholas whimpered. Would this ever stop? He felt only pain.   
Young's weight pressed his arm into the ground, his wrists hurt with the slightest movement, his head was pounding from the headbutt and the lack of oxygen, not to mention the excruciating pain in his lower body. Nicholas had experienced some pain in his life, but this topped everything.   
Eventually Young released him once he became aware that he wouldn't bring Rush any arousal. At last Young finally pulled his half-erect penis out of his ass.   
Rush breathed noisily when Young's movement flooded his body with a new wave of pain.  
"Aaaah, you were wonderful, doctor," Young said appreciatively and contented himself with staring at Rush's exposed buttocks. Blood oozed out constantly by now.  
Nicholas, who was very well aware of Young's presence behind him, knew he was giving Young a sight he preferred to not think about. He struggled to bring his thighs together to lay down.   
The first moments were so painful that he frequently had to stop but finally he was able to get himself into a lying position. Young had let him do as he liked and since he seemed to be satisfied, he left TJ and Rush laying on the ground alone and went to get dressed.  
Rush saw him heading towards the shuttle and a new wave of panic washed through him – would Young take off in the shuttle? Abandon them here, like he'd done to him once before?   
For long, fearful seconds Rush watched the shuttle, ready to see it lift off, but it didn't. Instead, Young came out again and headed in their direction. But something was different. His face appeared empty and stiff, like a weak-willed robot. His movement seemed too even, steady.  
"Colonel?" Rush asked quietly, a bit anxious. His former strong aura of arrogance, reluctance and aloofness was completely broken in the last minutes and he felt so violated like never before in his life.   
He was still tied up and naked, while the Colonel now stood over him completely dressed. TJ was still unconscious.  
Young looked mechanically between them both, like he had do think about what to do next. He retrieved his knife, opened it and stepped closer to Rush. The Scot flinched, but couldn't move without experiencing racking pains. So he could only pray that Young wouldn't stab or slash him. He narrowed his eyes when the knife came near his face, but in the next moment he could move his arms again. The Colonel had cut through his bonds and took 3 steps back. Young even tossed Rush his clothes.  
Nicholas was thoroughly confused. What was happening with the Colonel? First, he acted like Godzilla, tearing his prey. And now he appeared to be a blank-faced robot, helping him.  
Rush kneaded his wrists, wincing at the bloody weals, when his blood had started to circulate again he grabbed for his pants. As he struggled into them, he looked over to TJ and saw that Young was kneeling beside her. For a moment he feared the Colonel would rape her again, but then he saw that Young had dressed her again. Nicholas was relieved and he concentrated on his own task of getting dressed.  
Getting his pants up and over his hips was a torture and tears were welling in his eyes again when he pulled them up. He gasped and bit on his lips to suppress a cry of pain. It wasn't any easier with his trousers.   
When he had manage to put on his shirts and vest again after what felt like an eternity, he carefully tried to bring himself in a sitting position to put on his socks and shoes.   
Like he expected, this action brought him a new wave of nearly unbearable pain, but as time passed by, he got used to it.

Eventually he even managed to stand up. Every single movement felt like a knife was thrust in between his legs and he felt the skin, which had barely began to heal, was torn open again. Very slowly, and carefully, he walked over to TJ, who had been dressed again in the meantime. He took two steps closer to her, but Colonel Young pulled his knife out again and pressed it against Rush's throat.  
The Scot swallowed thickly and stopped at once.  
"You'll carry her back to the shuttle," the Colonel demanded.  
"Colonel, I doubt I am up to it, I'm injured," Rush said in despair.  
Young pressed the knife tighter to Rush's throat. "Now, Rush!" He took a step back.  
The scientist nodded, then looked down at TJ and sighed.   
Somehow, he managed actually to lift her up by the third, or fourth, attempt. His arms trembled erratically in reaction of the strong waves of pain his body sent through him, but he was only focused on getting TJ back to the shuttle safely. He felt blood streaming down his legs but he ignored it.   
When they finally reached the shuttle, with the last of his strength Rush managed to lay her carefully down on a bench before he collapsed to the floor besides her. His body was at its limits to bear any more pain, his strength was depleted. His eyes slipped closed, but he suddenly saw something blue shimmering through half-closed eyes. It was behind Young, who was standing motionless above him.  
Rush blinked and opened his eyes wide in horror when he recognized a Nakai. Instantly, the memories of the tests, the torture, the water basin they had put him in came to his mind.   
He tried to crawl away, but the Nakai grabbed him by his neck and pulled his head towards it.   
Nicholas raised his hands in defense, but the Nakai just examined him, then it let him down and did the same with TJ.  
Rush could hear the clicking and high-pitched tones the Nakai used to communicate and wondered to whom the alien was talking. He found out when a second Nakai appeared moments later, a device held in its bony fingers. It almost looked like a DHD.   
When the button was depressed, Young winced briefly and then froze in place.  
The first Nakai rushed towards to the Colonel, inspected him meticulously, and clicked something towards his colleague. A button on the device was pushed once more and Young winced again.  
 _He's under their control_ , Rush realized and thought of the transmitter the Nakai had implanted in his chest. They must have done something similar with Young... At least it would explain his behavior. He just was their willing tool; presumably, the Nakai wanted to experiment on the humans again. But before Nicholas could do anything, the second Nakai produced a second device, walked towards Rush and held the device to his temple.  
It felt like they wanted to suck out his brain. His head started to spin and he felt like his whole body was being kneaded. Eventually, the darkness delivered him from the unbearable pain in his head caused by the device.


	7. The Trojan Horse

Rush felt the neural electrodes retreat from his temples, heard the bindings snap back and remembered where he was.  
_The repository. The Destiny. Thank god!_ he thought. He was safe here; there were no Nakai, it had just been his buried memories, which of course were painful enough. But at least now he knew what had happened.  
Nick slowly opened his eyes, expecting to see Eli. But instead of the young man, another man stood in front of him. Looking at him with cold, hard eyes and a diabolic smile.  
"I told you not to get in my way, doctor," Colonel Young snarled.  
Rush's mouth slightly opened when he realized what was up with Young. He was under the control of the Nakai, even now. They were here.  
It felt like ice washed through his veins and in panic he searched for an escape route. He looked around, his gaze drifting to the left and he saw Eli lying on the ground with a bleeding head wound.  
"Eli!" Rush cried and went to help him, but Young moved fast and had a hand clasped around his throat.  
"He was in my way," Young explained and started to squeeze.  
Rush used both hands to pry at Young's hand, but he couldn't budge it at all. Sparks started to flash around the edges of his vision and he couldn't speak.  
"Pity, you gained your memories back, but the Nakai already have a nice plan what to do with you."  
Rush's eyes started to bulge out and his face slowly turned red. The next words of the Colonel died away as consciousness slipped away, briefly before Rush went unconscious he understood it had something to do with Melody.

Young released Rush when he got what he wanted. Then he took him by his arms, pulled his upper body over his shoulder and heaved him out of the chair. He gave Eli, who was still lying on the floor bleeding, a last look before he left.  
Controlled by the desire for intense, physical closeness that the Nakai-chip put in his mind and the lucky circumstances it was Rush of all people who he had to stop for not blowing his cover, he made a wide detour until he arrived at a transport pod.  
He leaned Rush against the wall as soon as he entered and made his way to an abandoned section of the ship they hadn't even explored until now. The Nakai had docked their small ship on the outer hull, gained an entry into the ship and made an area accessible again. From their ship, the Nakai controlled their Trojan horse however they wanted to and had given Young the instruction to continue with the experiments.  
But they hadn't reckoned that their female test person wouldn't be accessible anymore. The human (Young was his name, at least they had extracted that name from his memories) wasn't able to reach her. Since they had also suppressed his memories from the planet, they had observed for a start how the humans reacted normally. From the scientist, whom they had already studied some time ago and who was miraculously in the shuttle too, they had learned a lot about the Human species, but he was escaped before they got deeper in some areas.  
This was what they wanted to do now.  
Their experiments were to find out about the difference between the male and female body features. For that they had ordered Young, who they came across first, to show them. Now they wanted to see if this was working with different humans or it they were linked to the first specimen. Since they couldn't get this Tamara (they also had gotten this name from Young) down here, they took another female specimen, who had nearly revealed their presence on board. Young had already brought her down several hours ago.

Young heaved Rush over his shoulder again. He reached the hideout after a few minutes. The girl was still laying there where he had left her and was either still unconscious or asleep. To be on the safe side, he had chained her to a tube. He put Rush down besides her and noticed with satisfaction that the Scot was waking up.  
He was looking forward to what would be next, but for that he also needed the girl. He hunkered down beside her and shook her. Maybe she had just been exhausted, maybe also a bit dehydrated and then fell asleep, because she woke up when Young shook her.  
When she saw Young, her eyes widened and she tried to back away in fear. The memories of what had happened came back at once and then she realized that someone else was lying there.  
"Doctor Rush!" she shouted worried and felt relieved, when the scientist opened his eyes.  
"Melody..." he said with a scratchy noise and coughed. His voice would need some time to recover.  
"It's about time," Young barked at both and sat down three feet away from them.  
"Colonel," Rush tried, still slightly dizzy. "You are being manipulated. The Nakai- Please... you'll need to be examined, they have implanted..." he couldn't say anymore because Young cut him short.  
"Don't waste your breath, Rush. You'll shut up and do what I say you'll do. Do I make myself clear?"  
Nicholas just looked at him and didn't dare to provoke him. He had already witnessed what Young was capable of. So he just nodded.  
"Let us go, Colonel," the sharp voice of Melody filled the room. Of course, she hadn't the slightest idea what was going on and she was very worried about Rush.  
A smile showed up on Young's lips when he realized how much she cared about the scientist. This was just perfect.  
"You'll be released once we're finished here. There are still some tests the Nakai have prepared for you."  
Nick winced, horrified as he remembered 'the test' he had already endured. He didn't want to go through it for a second time and he also wanted to protect Melody from having to undergo the same thing he did.  
"And what kind of test would that be?" he asked cautiously.  
"Don't worry, doctor, this time it won't hurt. On the contrary, you'll enjoy it," Young said with a smile. Rush frowned and gave him a questioning look.  
"Congratulations, Rush, after all this time you may act on your feelings," Young said, "on her," he added, pointing towards Melody.  
"I don't understand," Rush said, but he had a foreboding feeling... something bad was about to happen. He looked at Melody. The girl returned the look and didn't seem to know what Young meant either.  
"Don't be so shy, Doc. I can see you like her. Feel free to take her!"  
Melody's jaw dropped when she realized what Young wanted them to do.  
"Surely not!" the scientist snarled in disgust and moved to stand up but Young was faster and wrestled the Scot down again.  
"Maybe it's better that I start with you," Young hissed and in his eyes Rush could see the blazing hatred. "You have to learn a lesson, you bastard!"  
"Colonel Young, please! You're not yourself!" Rush cried and covered his head with his arms in a defensive gesture because Young had started to beat him up.  
"Colonel Young!" Melody screamed in horror and tugged at her chains. But she only could watch helplessly as Young struck at Rush again and again.  
Rush had curled himself up as small as he could, tried to protect his head and stomach. The freshly healed skin between his legs tore a little again when he curled in on himself, but he barely noticed the pain over the fresh pain of the Colonel's current assault.  
"Colonel, stop! You'll kill him!" Melody's voice cracked in fear for Nick and somehow this seemed to enrage the Colonel even more.  
Rush didn't deserve that someone cared for him, much less to be scared for him! Young paused and his gaze focused on a damaged console where some thin, loose wires were hanging down. He walked over, yanked them out and went back to Rush, who was prone on the floor, moaning in pain.  
Before the Scot realized what was happening, Young had stripped him of his shirts and vest once more and turned him onto his back. His wrists were grabbed roughly and a knee was pressed on Nick's chest as his wrists were tied up.  
_No, not again. Please, not again!_ Rush prayed when he realized what Young was up to. But Young had already removed his trousers and pants and turned him onto his stomach.  
Nick let out a cry of pain when he was splayed out again.  
"Colonel Young, please, PLEASE, stop it!" Even though Nicholas couldn't see her, he could hear that Melody was sobbing.  
But Young seemed to have enough of Melody. He grabbed her by her throat and started to squeeze. The young woman gasped for air.  
"Another word and I kill Rush, understood?" Young demanded.  
Her eyes widened and she manage to nod weakly. Young released her and she panted, throat burning as she tried to fill her lungs with air again. Tears were welling in her eyes when she looked at Nick, who was just lying there and softly moaning.  
Young opened his trousers and pulled out his member. Melody wanted nothing more than to close her eyes, didn't want to see nor to hear anything, but she was so scared for Nicholas that she had to watch. She only focused on him and tried to hold back her tears, unwilling to give Young any reason to feel provoked.  
Young rudely shoved Rush's legs apart and kneeled between them. The scientist cried out in pain when his wound tore a bit more. Young didn't care, he slid two fingers into Rush and started to stretch him. Nick bit on his lips and whimpered when his wound was reopened completely, but he couldn't do anything else.  
_Not again, please not again_ , he just thought over and over again, but he had no hope that Young would stop.  
Suddenly the fingers were gone and he felt Young's hand on his hips. With a quick jerk, Young pulled him up, making him cry out in pain again. He was now in the same position Young had raped him on the planet. He kneeled, his bottom invitingly stuck out towards Young, his head resting on his bound arms.  
He felt Young's semi-erect penis between his buttocks and then there was a terrible pain again when Young entered him with three fingers, stretching him once more. Rush gasped as the pain brought tears to his eyes. Instinctively, he shoved his hips forward, away from the painful intrusion, but Young yanked him back at once.  
"I didn't even start, Rush," Young said, sneering, purposely thrusting his fingers deeper, stretching Rush a bit more.  
Rush screamed and couldn't bite back a sob.  
Tears ran down Melody's cheeks. She couldn't bear Rush's misery, but she couldn't help him either.  
Young removed his fingers from Rush after a few more moments.  
_Time to do it with him_ , he thought cheerfully and used the blood oozing from Rush's butt to wet his member. To punish the man in this way, who constantly caused trouble, feeling his blood on his hand and smell it, aroused him even more.  
He put both hands on Rush's buttocks and pulled with both thumbs, spreading apart the man's cheeks to reveal his entrance. It didn't take long until he was filling the smaller man with his member and excitingly he thrust as hard and fast as he could the first time. He pulled Rush towards him with a hard grip on the man's hips.  
Nicholas screamed out loud in pain when Young was thrusting in him so brutally. He thought it would tear him apart, fearing it was very likely to actually happen. It was unbearable and Nick wished for the second time rather to die than to have to endure this.  
Young quickly found his rhythm. Slowly, pleasantly, and as deep as he could he thrust into Rush again and again, who was semi unconscious of pain.  
But like the first time, the darkness wouldn't come and Rush felt everything. Young noticeably enjoyed using Rush in such way and he felt the member swelling inside him, tearing him more open.  
The soft sobbing of the man beneath him only urge Young to thrust harder, deeper. He took his time, thrust even slower in between so it wouldn't be over too soon.  
He wanted to savor the scientist as long as he could, the feeling of him was beyond description.  
But soon enough his desire to climax was too strong and he was coming. With a last, hard and deep thrust in Rush's ass he groaned out loud, cumming hard and filling Rush with his seed.  
Young collapsed on top of Rush, his spent cock softening inside Rush's bruised asshole.  
Even though Young was no longer moving, Rush was in agonizing pain. After what felt like an eternity, Young's weight finally lifted off him and Young retreated. Rush stayed in the position, but tried to bring his thighs together after a while and bit down on his lips to suppress a pained scream. Slowly, he managed to stretch out his legs and lie down. He started to shiver from the pain and cold.  
Young put his pants back on and sat down, watching with satisfaction as Rush writhed in pain and the girl sobbed softly. His gaze settled on Melody and he considered a go with her. After a short break, of course. But the Nakai had ordered him to leave her alone. For whatever reason, they wanted Rush to do the job. Young was angry but couldn't offer any resistance. At least he was allowed to watch them.  
But for now he had to get back, show himself in public again and get a search party together for Miss Hansen—and now for Dr. Rush, as well.  
Was Mr. Wallace already been found? he thought. Well, if necessary he would make a random stop by the repository. After all, the boy was pretty useful and he wanted to make sure that he was found before he maybe would die. But before he left, Young had to deal with Rush.  
Rush’s wrists were still bound safe and tight with the wires and Young decided to keep him that way. To be on the safe side, he would just tie Rush to a tube so he couldn't make a run for it. Young pulled another wire off the console, grabbed Rush by his bound hands and dragged him over the cold floor to another pipe system. He wrapped the cable through Rush’s bound wrists, pulled his arms a little higher and turned him on his back so he wouldn't be able to free himself.  
Rush moaned in pain as Young dragged him across the floor while he was still lying on his stomach. It was the most he could do. He even didn't notice that he was turned around.  
Young wanted to leave Rush as he was, but the Nakai wanted to keep him alive, not deep-frozen. He stuffed one of Rush’s shirts and his vest beneath him and threw the other shirt over his chest. Rush was now lying there, half-naked and Young smirked with satisfaction. Hopefully, the cold would keep Rush in a weakened state.  
As for the girl, he wasn't concerned. She wouldn't be able to open the chains so easily, which had been luckily in the room already.  
Young was highly pleased with himself when he left his victims alone and made his way back to act as the worried Colonel.

The moment Young was gone, Melody turned towards the injured scientist.  
"Doctor Rush?" she asked in a tearful and worried voice.  
"Doctor Rush, can you hear me?" Her voice was trembling and she was on the verge of panic because he didn't answer.  
"Doctor Rush!" She was crying now and tried to move into a position where she could at least see him since Young had Rush tied up somewhere behind her.  
"Yes."  
She heard Rush’s soft voice and sighed with relief.  
"Are you okay?" she asked, concerned.  
"I've been better," he answered weakly.  
"You have to hang on, Doctor Rush, please!" Melody said desperately but she didn't get an answer. Obviously, the Scot had passed out after all.  
Melody sobbed and suddenly felt such a blazing hatred for Colonel Young. If Nicholas didn't survive, she would be ready to kill him. Furious, she tugged at her chains again, but they only harshly chafed her skin. She sobbed again, she and Nicholas were at the mercy of the beast. She was terrified.


	8. Enforcements

Young returned unseen to the occupied area of the ship and promptly ran into Lt. Scott who was relieved he'd finally found the Colonel since he hadn't been able to make radio contact with him.  
"I'm sorry, I must have switched off my radio by accident," Young apologized and switched it on again.  
"Sir, I have to inform you that Eli was found in the chair-room. It seems he was knocked out," Scott said quickly.  
"What?" Young feigned surprise. "How is he?"  
"He's in the infirmary. Doctor Brightman is taking care of him. She said he has a severe head injury and she couldn't tell when, or if, he'll come to."  
Matt seemed pretty upset and Young was glad to hear Eli couldn't have been able to tell anyone what happened, although he was sure Eli hadn't seen him since he'd knocked the younger man down from behind.  
"Keep me informed on his condition," Young ordered. "Have you found Miss Hansen yet? And how are TJ and Doctor Rush?" he asked surreptitiously.  
"Still no trace of Miss Hansen, but tomorrow we'll extend the search to the entire ship." Scott didn't sound very hopeful. "About TJ and Rush – both were released to their quarters. Doctor Brightman was just about to make a house-call when Eli was found. But as soon as he's stable, she'll have a look at them."  
"Good. I'll return to my quarters and have some sleep. You should do the same, Lieutenant, it's in the middle of the night."  
"Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir. Good night." Scott saluted quickly and disappeared.  
 _This is easier than I could have hoped for_ , Young thought, given that no one had even noticed that Rush had disappeared. In that case, he could go back right now. Or better, he would let them rot for some time so he could get at least two hours of sleep. He would go back in the wee hours, when most of the crew were still asleep. Mood buoyed, he went back to his quarters, set his alarm and fell asleep instantly.

Melody was half asleep, exhausted from crying, but frequently woke up with a start, always seeing a tortured Rush in her short periods of consciousness. She called for the Scot from time to time, but he wasn't answering. She could only hope that he was still alive.  
A noise woke her up after a while and she was frightened to see Colonel Young had just entered the room. But he only gave her a brief glance as he headed determinedly towards the tied-up scientist.  
Rush's head had fallen sideways onto his arm and his hands were blue-tinged from the position they were bound. Young untied him and dragged him back to Melody.  
"Wake up, it's your turn," Young said scornfully and kicked Nicholas in the ribs, making the other man gasp and double over in pain. Young took out a canteen flask, went over to Melody and held it to her lips. She drank a few sips greedily and belatedly hoped it was only water. But she was dehydrated, so she didn't care much. After she had taken some water, Young withdrew the flask and poured the rest of liquid over Rush's face. Nicholas awoke again with a startled sputter.  
Young took a seat. "About time. The Nakai are waiting. You know what you have to do, get started!"  
Rush shook his head. He still felt dizzy.   
"What? I— No, I won't do that. And you won't go near her!" Young was by his side again in a blink and grabbed him by his hair, pulling his head to the side so that he could see Melody. Young's other hand was wrapped around her throat and he pulled her closer, his hand tightening as he started to strangle her.  
Melody gasped for breath, eyes wide in panic as she tugged helplessly on her chains, but she had no way to loosen them.  
"It's your choice, Rush," Young hissed. "Either you do what the Nakai want or I'll strangle Miss Hansen to death. Decide now!"  
Rush's facial expression showed clearly that he didn't know what to do. Completely horrified, he looked at Melody and she gave him a pleading look. She surely didn't want to die and Nicholas didn't want to be the cause of her death. He had no other choice. "Okay, I'll do it. Just let go of her!"  
Young released her immediately. Melody gasped for air and her head dropped to the floor, her eyes closed. Young released Rush as well and sat down on his seat again.   
"Well? The Nakai won't wait any longer," he said as he leaned back and made himself comfortable.  
Rush's whole body shook with a shiver. He was still completely shocked and then bent over to Melody, who slowly recovered. He tried to ignore his own pain; it was irrelevant right now. At least the girl had opened her eyes again and her breathing was slower.  
Nick looked in her eyes and said with a low, shaking voice "I'm sorry, Melody. I am so sorry."  
The girl managed to smile slightly. "Thank you for saving my life, Doctor Rush. It's okay, it's not your fault. But you should know, that I have never..." she faltered and blushed, needing a moment until she finished her sentence "... I mean, I never had a boyfriend."  
Young, who had heard everything, smirked and knew this was a nice bonus for the Nakai.  
"Nick," Rush murmured softly and Melody nodded her understanding, flattered. "Try to relax, Melody, and let me do everything," he whispered in her ear and gasped briefly when he had to move. This time Young hadn't heard anything but he became impatient.  
"What are you waiting for?!" Young snarled.  
Rush swallowed and then nodded. To make this work, he had to open his heart and block out his pain.  
Hesitantly he reached for Melody's hair, gently sliding his hand through to the back of her head. He concentrated on that contact, felt the silkiness of her hair, played with it a little, let his finger slide through it. After that first contact, he carefully pulled her head towards him and simultaneously bent in closer. His gaze darted between her eyes and her trembling lips a few times. Slowly, he got closer when she didn't seem to object and finally kissed her gently. He felt her soft lips on his and realized with surprise that she was kissing him softly back. Confused, he retreated and when he saw in her eyes, he suddenly understood what was happening—she loved him, despite this horrible situation and the imposed force, there was still something positive. At least it was Nicholas.  
"It's okay, Nick," she whispered.  
Rush felt relieved. "I'll try to be as gentle as I can, but the first time is often a bit unpleasant."  
"I know," Melody said and closed her eyes when Nick softly stroked his finger over her lips. A sudden jerk had her moving, simultaneously as a scream of pain sounded over her. She opened her eyes again to see Young, who had grabbed Rush by his neck, snarling.  
"The Nakai won't wait any longer," Young reminded harshly. "Get the clothes off her and begin. I won't say it again." Disgusted, he threw Rush down and scowled at them.  
The scientist slumped to the ground with a pained moan and it took a moment until the pain became bearable. "All right," he murmured to placate Young, swallowed once more and crawled back to Melody. Since her hands were still chained to the conduit, it fell to Nick to undress her. He bent over her and gave her another apologetic look.  
"Do as he says, Nick," Melody whispered.  
Rush nodded and shoved her shirt over her head until it was bunched at her bound hands. He removed her shoes and socks, then he slid trembling fingers under her back, unclasped her bra and took it off.  
Melody's cheeks reddened when a cool air wafted over her upper body. She shivered and felt her nipples harden from the chill.  
The Scot wanted to give her some time to adapt to the new situation and drew slowly and carefully nearer to her. He was astonished when he realized that despite Young's torture, the soft touches to Melody's body had aroused him and he was already half stiff. He looked at the girl, but she had closed her eyes again. Maybe that was for the best right now. He could feel Young's impatient gaze on him. When he turned around he saw the other man opening his trousers and sliding his hand into his pants.  
Rush felt disgust and he focused on Melody again, tried to block out the Colonel and the Nakai.  
Gently, he put his hands on her hips and looked surreptitiously at her. She startled from the sudden touch when he unzipped her trousers and slid them down. She helped him by lifting her pelvis. Rush let his hands wander over her belly, slid them down to her hips and softly over her lower abdomen. He felt Melody relaxing a little again and removed her underwear. He swallowed thickly when he saw her naked body. Her skin was smooth, bright and soft, her proportions perfect. Her face, which was pinked with a blush, radiated a vulnerability which woke his protective instinct like when he was with Gloria. And aside from that, she was very attractive.  
Melody kept her eyes closed. She tried to convince herself that she was alone with Nicholas, the Colonel wasn't watching everything, that this was happening without coercion. She somehow managed, more or less, to block out Colonel Young by focusing on Nicholas' gentle touches. But at the smallest movement, she felt the chains around her wrists and was once again made aware of the situation she was in. Aside of that, she was afraid that Nick saw her naked. Dr. Parry was such a beauty, small-boned, soft and a bit fragile-looking and she seriously doubted that she would cause any reaction in him. But to please the Nakai she had to. She trembled, a shiver ran down her body and she felt cold.  
Nicholas saw Melody had started shaking and assumed she was embarrassed of him seeing her naked. Plus, she was probably simply afraid of the next step. So he tried to give her some more time and prepare her carefully. Slowly, he laid down beside her and grimaced in pain when he gently put his leg over hers so she could become accustom to him. He suppressed all shame and pain as best as he could; their lives were at stake and he would do anything necessary to keep them alive.  
His half erect member pressed against Melody's thigh as he slowly slid his hand up to her breast.  
Melody's shivering increased and he removed his hand from her breast, stroking her temple and cheek, kissing her again. This time, she responded to the kiss even more and he felt his desire for her grow. Without breaking the kiss, he again cupped her bosom, his thumb gently circled her nipple as he massaged her breast. He felt Melody's reaction in her kiss; it became more intense, impassioned, and she opened her mouth, wanted to feel his tongue. Nick met her desire and his hand slid down, caressed her belly button for a moment before continuing down. Finally, his hand was between her legs and Melody flinched, breaking the kiss. Nicholas removed his hand at once.  
"Not so slow!" Young barked and Melody flinched once more and opened her eyes. She had actually managed to forget about the Colonel for a moment. Being reminded of his presence again made her wince.  
"If you want this to work, Colonel, then you should give me the time I need!" Rush snarled at him.  
Young gave Rush a serious look. "You better not waste any more time, otherwise I'll take your place. For once, stand your ground!" he yelled, stood up, his trousers still unzipped, grabbed Rush by his hair and pulled his head back.  
The scientist screamed once more and said with clenched teeth, "I am hurt! If you continue like that, I can't do anything anymore to please you!"  
"Let go of him, please," Melody begged with tears in her eyes. She was terrified Young was going to kill Rush. "You have done enough to him. It's not him, it's me! I'm afraid!"  
Her confession seemed Young to chasten and he released Rush. "No more unnecessary delays, Doctor," he warned Rush before he returned to his seat, waiting impatiently.  
"Then leave us be and don't interrupt anymore," Rush bit out. He turned back to Melody and softly stroked a hand over her forehead. "It's alright. Close your eyes, I'll prepare you a bit. Try to relax, it could become a bit unpleasant."  
Melody nodded hesitantly and closed her eyes again.  
Rush sighed and put his hand to her belly again. Again he slid down until he stopped above her vagina. "Please part your legs a bit," he murmured and Melody, who had started to shake again, did what he asked.  
One finger slid over her clitoris, circled around softly and dipped lower, fumbled for her vaginal introitus. He entered her with his finger and moved in small circles.  
Melody tried very hard to hold back her tears but she was terrified. But Nick was gentle when he entered her, she just felt a slight pressure, no pain. She relaxed a bit and concentrated on the feeling Nick's finger caused in her. It wasn't unpleasant.  
Suddenly his finger was gone. Melody felt a slight draft and then Rush was gone too. Puzzled she opened her eyes again and saw with horror that Young had dragged Nicholas away from her.  
"I just told you, don't be so timid! The Nakai are not satisfied with you!" Young yelled and shook Rush angrily.  
"Colonel," Rush tried again "think about it! You're controlled by the Nakai, you would never do such thing. Colonel, PLEASE!" Nick was begging in pure despair.  
Young's answer for Rush was grabbing him by his shoulders, pull him close to knee Rush brutally in the guts. Rush choked and a new, agonizing pain ran through his body. He dropped to the ground and heard Melody scream behind him.  
"Nick! NO!"  
Young was over Rush again, kicked him a second time in his stomach and grabbed him by his throat.  
Rush felt a liquid rising in his gullet and tasted blood in his mouth. He coughed and spit it out, but Young started to strangle him and Rush tried in panic to loosen the fingers around his neck, but without success. He was getting weaker every second and lashed out in an act of desperation, his fist hitting the Colonel's temple. For a short moment, Young loosened his grip and Rush gasped for breath before Young squeezed again.  
"That wasn't very nice, Doctor," Young snarled.  
Rush blindly felt around him, until he touched the wire Young had used to tie him up. He grabbed for it and lashed out at Young's face.  
Young released him and dropped him to the floor with an angry cry of pain, one hand over his eye. Rush knew he had only seconds before Young would recover. Somehow, he managed to get into a kneeling position and lashed Young the wire again. Young laid on the ground, howling with pain and using both hands to cover his face.  
Rush used the moment and took a third and fourth swipe at Young, hit him on his shoulder and his chest. He saw the flask lying beside Young. He spit out another mouthful of blood and reached for the flask.  
Young’s hands dropped from his face just as Rush used all his strength to hit him on the head with the flask. His eyes rolled back and darkness surrounded him.  
Breathing heavily, Nicholas laid beside Young and took a few moments to gain some strength. He used the wire and quickly tied up Young's hands.  
"Nick, Nick!" Melody called for him.  
"I'm fine," he reassured her and made sure Young was safely secured and wouldn't be able to free himself of the bindings so easily. He struggled slowly to his feet. With one arm he covered his stomach, his body was slightly bent with pain as he took the few steps to Melody. He carefully knelt beside her and looked at her chains closely. It seemed to be metal fittings for seams on the pipes, which had been alienated by Young and Nick didn't need long to figure out how to open them.   
After he had freed Melody, he collapsed by her side and spit blood again.  
The young woman ignored the protest of her limbs and body from lying in a stressed position for too long and bent over Nick, gently checking him over. Her long, brown hair fell like a soft curtain onto his maltreated skin and he moaned when she touched an extremely sensitive part on his stomach.  
"I'm sorry, but there's an induration in your stomach," she said. "We need help."  
Rush didn't object, but before Melody even could stand up, they heard a long scream from Young.  
The Colonel screamed, twisting and thrashing wildly on the ground. He suddenly took a last, deep gasp, his eyes bulged then he went slack, collapsing lifeless to the ground.  
"Colonel?" Rush asked quietly and Melody rose, making her way slowly over to him.   
"What's up with him?" the scientist asked when the girl was by the Colonel's side and gave him a doubtful look over her shoulder.  
Very carefully, as if she was afraid the Colonel would wake up the next second and attack her, she felt for his pulse. There was none.   
"I think he's dead," she finally said.  
"What?" Rush gasped. He struggled to stand, go over there with her, but he had no strength to even get into a sitting position.  
"Melody, you have to revive him," he said insistently.  
"After all he did to you? He did to us?" she replied sharply. She was glad the Colonel was dead. He deserved it.  
"That wasn't him, he was being controlled by the Nakai," Rush said. "Melody, you have to try to revive him!"  
"Why? He hates you!" she shouted and looked at Nick in disbelief.  
"That's not important! This crew needs him. Melody, please!" Nick almost begged her.  
She kneeled down beside Young and began to revive him. She needed a bit more than a minute until the Colonel started to breathe again. He opened his eyes and gave Melody a startled look.  
The young woman got to a safer distance at once. Quickly, she took her clothes and got dressed again. Then she went for Nick's clothing and tried get at least his pants, socks and a T-Shirt on him so he wouldn't go hypothermic. His blood was everywhere. She shot Young a hateful look as she grabbed his radio and switched it on.  
First, she tried to contact Eli but when he wasn't responding she tried Scott. She explained briefly what happened and that Rush was severely injured. The Lt. didn't waste time with any more questions but promised to get them ASAP after Melody had described where they'd be found.


	9. Uncertainty

It took about 10 minutes before Melody could hear voices in the distance, growing louder every second. A wave of relief ran through her and she once more gently stroked Nick's face. He'd passed out in the meantime.  
Colonel Young started to whine as he regained consciousness. He tried numerous times to apologize and babbled something about Nakai and mind control, but Melody ignored him. She didn't consider untying him. She was completely focused on Nicholas, softly stroking his hair as they waited. She'd even managed to get his trousers back on and waited without a word until someone could find them.  
"Colonel Young?"  
Melody heard Sgt. Greer's voice first. He spotted his CO, quickly kneeled down and untied Young's hands. He saw Melody sitting by Rush's side.   
"Doctor Rush? Miss Hansen?" he asked and went over to them after Young was released.  
He was horrified when he noticed the amount of blood everywhere and immediately called for help.   
"Lieutenant, Crewman, give me a hand," Greer said, indicating Rush, "We have to bring him to sickbay as quickly as possible."  
"Do you think we can carry him?" he asked, turning to Melody before they attempted to lift Rush.  
The girl nodded hesitantly. "Keep him straight and steady, he has suffered internal injuries for sure."  
"Maybe it's better we get the kino sledge." Greer ordered two people to come with the sledge via radio.  
"Is one of the SGC physicians still on board?" Melody asked.  
"Yes, Doctor Brightman. She is treating Mister Wallace," Greer replied.  
"What? Eli is in the infirmary? What happened to him!?" she shouted in fear.  
Greer gave her a summary; Eli had been found in the repository with a severe head wound and that Dr. Brightman couldn't say when, or if, he would awake or if he'd suffer permanent damage.  
Melody's gaze wandered over to Young, who let Lt. Scott help him up.  
"This is his doing," she said and pointed to the Colonel. "He knocked Eli down, held Doctor Rush and me captive and savagely beat him," she ended, pointing at Rush. Her voice was trembling.  
Greer looked at Melody in disbelief. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asked, skeptical. He couldn't imagine Young would have done something like that.  
"No! I'm not okay!" she snarled at him "Doctor Rush and Eli are not okay. TJ is not okay and all because of him!"  
Young heard the young woman and looked bashfully at the ground. He was aware of the questioning looks from his subordinates.   
"I was controlled by the Nakai," he answered. "They subdued me and implanted a device. They used me to carry on with their human experiments."  
"Where are they?" Scott asked immediately. All soldiers lifted their weapons in reflex and looked around carefully.  
"They had docked on the outer hull of Destiny, but they're gone now. They wanted to get rid of me. But thanks to Miss Hansen..." he became quiet and couldn't go on. He was too ashamed of what he had done.  
Greer's radio suddenly crackled. "Sergeant Greer, the sledge doesn't fit in the transport pod. I'm afraid you have to come to us."  
"That's all what we need," Greer said with a sigh before answering his radio, "Understood, we're on our way." He turned to address Scott, "Lieutenant, if you'd take care of Colonel Young, we'll get Rush to the infirmary."  
"Agreed. Come on, Colonel," Scott said softly and put a hand on Young's back to get him to move.  
Greer and two other soldiers lifted Rush up carefully and Melody moved in to help support him. Moving carefully and constantly anxious, they carried him as steadily as possible. They finally arrived at the pod and entered. It only took a few seconds until the door opened again and they were back in the habitat area. In front of them was the kino sledge and they put Rush on it very carefully.  
"Hurry, please," Melody begged. The Scot had lost a lot of blood.  
As quick as possible, they brought him to the infirmary and Melody hurried ahead to advise Dr. Brightman.

Dr. Brightman was already at the door when the soldiers carrying Rush came in sight. "Get another doctor on board, quick," she said when she saw the injured man.  
"I'll do it," Lt. James offered and sped off.  
"Someone has to inform Miss Armstrong that I need her help immediately," Dr. Brightman went on, while they hurried the sledge with the scientist on it inside.  
"On it," Greer replied and ordered Chloe via radio to the sickbay. She promised to be there ASAP. In the meantime, Rush was carefully placed on a cot and Dr. Brightman came back with some utensils she had quickly took out a medicine cabinet in the back.  
"Please clear the room, all of you. When my colleague, or Miss Armstrong, arrives send them in."  
"Will he recover?" Melody had the courage to ask and gently brushed a few strands of hair out of Nicholas' face.  
"I don't know yet. Please leave the room now," Dr. Brightman said softly and started to take off Rush's clothes.  
Greer took Melody by her arm and pulled her from the room, ignoring her loud protests.  
"Let go of me! I have to stay with him!" she shouted and tried to remove her arm from his grip. But the Sergeant was relentless and they were outside moments later.  
"Miss Hansen, you'll tell me now exactly what happened," Greer said, gave her a steady look and didn't release her arm.  
Melody neither wanted, nor had she the courage, to tell him the truth. She broke free with a jerk.   
"Go ask Colonel Young!" she said defiantly. She turned around and hurried away from him.  
Greer looked after her, shaking his head, and decided to do exactly what Miss Hansen had told him.  
"Crewman, you stay here and don't let anybody pass except for Miss Armstrong and the other doctor, understood?"  
"Yes, Sir!" the crewman answered and saluted. He moved to block the door with a severe facial expression.   
Greer took off for the Colonel's quarters. He wasn't surprised to see Lieutenant Scott in the Colonel's quarters when he was allowed to enter.  
"Sir, I just came to ask if you're alright?" Greer asked.  
Young didn't react. He was slouched down as he sat on his couch, his face buried in his hands.  
Scott gave Greer a meaningful side-eyed glance and he nodded, leaving the quarters to wait outside. It didn't take long until Matt came out and gave the Sergeant a brief summary of what he had managed to get out of Young.  
He hadn't been given many details, but the roughly told story was enough to shock Greer. Of course the Colonel hadn't done those thing willingly. At least, that was what Ronald told himself over and over again.  
"Sergeant, would you please stay with Colonel Young for a while?" Scott asked. "I have to do something."  
"Of course, Sir." Ronald entered the quarters again and the doors closed.

Matt was on his way to TJ. She had a right to be told and he would do it smoothly.   
He arrived at her quarters and knocked a bit hesitantly. It took a while until he was invited in. At first he thought the medic wasn't in her quarters, but then he heard her soft voice beckon him in.  
"Hello, TJ," he greeted her cautiously. "I just dropped by to check on you... And because I have to tell you something."  
Tamara sat on bed, leaning against the headboard with her knees tucked up and her arms wrapped around them. She stared into nothingness, even when she looked in Scott's direction. She didn't say anything and Matt wasn't sure if he should leave her again or if she was just waiting for what he had to say. He decided for the last option. To leave her in the dark about what happened would be cruel, she only could start to get over the whole event when she knew what had happened and why.  
"TJ, we just found Colonel Young. He..." Matt sighed and then took a deep breath before he went on.   
"The Nakai were on the planet, too. They implanted a device into the Colonel to control him."  
After he spoke, he noticed a reaction from the young woman for the first time; she lifted her head slightly and removed her arms from around her knees. Her eyes widened and she looked directly into his.  
"What?" she breathed doubtfully.  
Scott went on explaining. "The Nakai also blocked your memories. They wanted to continue with their experiments on... another research area."   
Matt couldn't help the look of embarrassment on his face and looked to the side. It wasn't necessary to explain what that other field was. Quickly, he went on, "Doctor Rush managed to put the Colonel out of action, but the Nakai wanted him dead."  
"Everett... is dead?" she interrupted him, fear in her voice.  
Matt quickly shook his head. "No, Miss Hansen revived him, but..." The young Lt. wasn't sure what to say next. Considering what the Colonel had done, even if it was not his intention, it would be presumptuous to say he was alright.  
Finally, he found the right words.  
"He blames himself. He thinks he failed because the Nakai had defeated him and mind controlled him. TJ, I know what I'm about to ask of you will be difficult, but would you talk to him? I don't know exactly what happened between the two of you, he only gave vague hints. I'm aware what I'm asking you to do, but we need the Colonel. Please."  
She could hear desperation in his voice. Desperation and sympathy for her, as well. But she just looked at him and subtly shook her head before she answered. "I need some time to think about that, okay? I... I don't know if I'm prepared to see him. A lot has happened and what you just told me... I need some time. Please."  
Scott nodded. "Of course. TJ, I am sorry, but I thought it would be best if you knew the truth."  
Tamara managed a wan smile. "And for that I am grateful, Lieutenant. Nothing worse than to be left in the dark."  
"I better go now," Scott said. "Please let me know if... if you need anyone to talk to, okay? Doesn't matter who."   
The young woman nodded and Scott retreated. With a sigh, he paused outside after the doors had closed. Oh Colonel, what is that mess you blundered into? he thought.  
He decided to stop by the infirmary, he wanted to know how Dr. Rush, Miss Hansen and Eli were doing. As he approached, he saw the soldier securing the door and knew that he wouldn't get any information.  
"Lieutenant!" the crewman saluted.  
"Any news?" Scott asked and gave the door a passing view like he hoped it would open right now.  
"No, Sir. Just the second SGC physician has arrived."  
Matt sighed. "Very well. I'll relieve you, crewman."  
"Aye, Sir!" The crewman looked noticeably relieved to leave his post and Scott reckoned that he had to wait a while longer until he would hear something from inside. He contacted Greer to inform him that he took over guard duty and asked about Colonel Young's condition.  
"He's just sitting on the couch, doesn't move and talks to himself," the MSG reported quietly.  
Matt sighed softly. "Stay with him, I'll check on him later. First, I want to know how Rush, Hansen and Wallace are doing."  
"Miss Hansen is not in the infirmary," Greer told him. "She wasn't hurt."  
Scott suddenly felt like there was ice running through his veins. "Where did she go?" he practically shouted into his radio.  
"She didn't say, Sir. Probably to her quarters," Ronald said. "Wait, Sir—"  
"What's going on?" Matt asked, cutting him off.  
It took a few moments before the MSG answered. "Sir, if I understood correctly what the Colonel has been babbling to himself then he didn't touch Miss Hansen. If that's it, what you're worried about."  
Matthew breathed out in relief. "Indeed, I was. Nevertheless, I'll check on her later. She really seemed worried about Doctor Rush."  
"Yes, Sir," Greer replied and both cut the connection.

An hour later the sickbay doors opened and Dr. Brightman came out.  
"How is he?" Scott asked at once.  
"Better come in so we don't have to discuss that in the corridor," she said and the Lt. followed her inside. Chloe and the other SGC doctor were still busy treating Rush for some minor injuries and Scott sighed with relief to see the scientist was obviously alive. Dr. Brightman led him away from where the patients laid and gave him the news.  
"To put it in a nutshell, Doctor Rush only just escaped with his life. He has suffered severe internal bleeding which we were luckily able to stop. Aside from that, his former injury was lacerated and we had to stitch him up again," she said, generalizing the last part.  
"I... know what happened," Scott said quietly. "The Colonel had told me, more or less."  
Dr. Brightman raised both of her eyebrows. "So it was him? Where is he now?"  
"He's in his quarters. Sargent Greer is with him," Matt said, slightly embarrassed. "But it's complicated, he was controlled by the Nakai and..." Matt stopped and looked at the doctor before he said "... and I think, that's not important right now."  
"You're right about that," she answered dryly. "Is the Colonel well so far? Was he hurt?" she asked.  
The realization that the Colonel should have been in sickbay too left the Lieutenant feeling a bit uneasy. He knew he had to give the doctor some more information by now.  
"The Nakai have implanted a device in his body, similar to Doctor Rush earlier. He was under their control and when they realized he was no use to them any longer, they killed him. Miss Hansen managed to revive him." Matt didn't look at Dr. Brightman. He could only imagine the way her eyes would be sparkling with anger.  
"I won't ask why you didn't bring him here in the first place, but if he's not here in the next few minutes, you'll know me, Lieutenant."  
"Yes, Ma'am," Matt murmured and felt his cheeks getting warm. Then he hurried out of the infirmary to get the Colonel to sickbay as quick as possible.

Luckily for Scott, and Greer in this case, they didn't have to talk their CO into heading to infirmary. When Matt entered the quarters, Young was still sitting on the couch where he had left him, staring into nothingness.  
"Sir, Doctor Brightman wants to see you in the infirmary," he said to Young, he and Greer exchanging a knowing look  
"Colonel Young?" Matt addressed him a second time when their CO didn't respond. But then Young stood slowly, gaze averted to the floor and followed the Lt. without saying a word.  
Dr. Brightman almost felt some sympathy for the CO when he entered, but she pushed her personal feelings away and focused on the medical examination of her patient. Physically the Colonl was fine. Nevertheless, she decided to keep him for observation as a precaution. She also had to find out about the device that had been implanted in Young's body.  
"Colonel, can you tell me anything useful about the device in your body? Do you feel anything? Do you know where it is?"  
Young looked at her. "It was completely destroyed, no need to worry," he said hoarsely.  
Dr. Brightman raised her eyebrows. "Are you sure?"  
"Yes. I could see it shortly before... before they destroyed it. It was a kind of... present for me." His voice had a touch of bitterness in it and Dr. Brightman nodded.  
"Get some rest, Colonel," she said and covered him with a blanket.  
"How is Doctor Rush?" he asked in such a low voice that Dr. Brightman almost hadn't heard it.  
"He'll recover," she told him.  
Young sensed that it would be better to drop the subject at the moment. He simply nodded and didn't ask for details. He closed his eyes and tried to get some sleep.  
Dr. Brightman informed a waiting Lt. Scott that Colonel Young was physically fine and made it clear that he had to make sure the door would still be guarded.  
She and Dr. Willis, who was the second SGC physician on board, would continuously rotate with two other SGC doctors to watch over Dr. Rush and Mr. Wallace like hawks. When Matt asked for Eli's condition, the doctor could only tell that he was stable at the moment, but still unconsciousness and she couldn't predict if he would ever wake up again.  
Matt was clearly shocked but nodded and waited outside for Chloe. In the meantime, he ordered a change of guard.


	10. Thoughts

_Lieutenant Johansen_

Tamara laid on her bed, gaze fixed on a spot on the ceiling, her mind wandering. Eventually she wanted to forget, at least for one moment, find some rest, but the past events weighed on her. Everett had raped her. Not willingly, but nevertheless it was him who had done it. Why didn't he fight the Nakai?  
Even Rush, the slim scientist without any combat training, had managed to escape from a ship full of Nakai—and rescue Chloe. Why couldn't Everett have fought off two of them? Why had he allowed the Nakai to use him for their purposes?  
But was that really what had happened? She still couldn't remember anything, she only knew it happened. Why would Lt. Scott lie to her regarding Everett? The uncertainty troubled her and she knew that she needed to talk to him. She must know what had happened, in detail, and why.  
She still couldn't quite wrap her head around it... Without the pain in her lower abdomen she might have thought it a cruel joke, but it wasn't one. But what if she had agreed? The thought came to her mind and had her gasping for breath. After all, she'd already had an affair with him... No, Everett would never hurt her.  
She paused as something occurred to her; how was he doing?  
She was used to taking care of others first; to help them, to worry about them. She couldn't help feel guilty thinking about herself.  
 _No, I have to talk to him. Matt is right, he needs me. Despite everything that happened, I shouldn't hold him responsible for what the Nakai did to me. He was only their tool._  
Thinking it was easier than believing it. But TJ tried. Everett had always been there for her and now it was time to return the favor. It would take some time, and it would never be the same between them, but they would work it out. They had to. The crew needed both a functioning Colonel and competent medic. She had to forget. For the sake of the crew.

_Melody_

After she had more or less slipped from Msgt. Greer, she was blindly running through some corridors. She wanted to run, needed to run, something pushed her keep running. Just don't stop! But in the end the suppressed feelings finally surfaced and overwhelmed her. The fear of Young, her awful fear for Nicholas, the uncertainty if he was still alive, her worries for Eli...  
She had almost passed a cargo bay when the feelings overcame her like a gigantic wave. Trembling and sobbing, she dashed into the room and slid to the floor behind some containers. Crying fits shook her body and she couldn't stop. She was so embarrassed about what Young had done to her, what he had forced Nicholas to do to her. Worst of all was the awareness that for a moment, and in spite of everything, she had enjoyed him being near her. To feel his hands on her body, his kisses. It was something she sometimes had dreamed of. But she never wanted to have it under duress... she also knew it mustn't happen. And now Young had forced it.  
She doubled up even more, curling into herself, and struggled to breathe because she was sobbing so hard.  
She lost track of time, she didn't know how long she sat there but it must have been hours. She was too exhausted to cry anymore. She was just sitting on the floor, leaning against a container. Her thoughts centered on Young, Rush and Eli. She didn't even think about heading back to her quarters, she wanted to stay there forever. She was so exhausted she fell asleep where she was.

_Chloe_

_And in the first days and weeks, we landed here, I thought I wouldn't be useful_ , she though, remembering when they arrived on Destiny.  
Now it seemed she had found her own destiny assisting in the infirmary and being there for patients. Inspire them with confidence, giving comfort if necessary and just being there and caring for others. This was something, she was really good at, what she was good in even as a child. What she did her whole life.  
But contrary to her so-called 'friends' on earth, who were just friendly to her because her father was a senator and just were making the most out of her (as she had learned later), the people on board here respected and liked her for what she really was. There were no false friends and no one used her for anything. Although she had never thought of her being a nurse, she liked this new assignment. Of course, it was often difficult to see and care for colleagues, who suffered pain or even died. Talking about helped and she knew that Matt and Eli would always be there for her.  
However, this time, she asked herself if it wasn't too much... She'd seen first-hand what the Nakai had done through Colonel Young, what he'd done to Dr. Rush, TJ and later Eli. It was hard. It was a form of violence and humiliation which brought her to her tolerable limits.  
Mostly, though, she was worried about Eli. What if he would never wake up again? Or if he woke up and suffered permanent damage? She didn't know if she could stand it. At least not on board this vessel and with only Matt as her lifeline.  
The sickbay doors opened in front of her and a warm smile appeared on her lips when she met her boyfriend's eyes, pleased he had waited for her outside.

_Young_

He had finally fallen asleep, but nightmares bothered him. He woke up with a start. The lights were dimmed but he couldn't see any one. It had to be night time. But this neutral recognition gave him only a short distraction, promptly the pricks of conscience came back.  
 _It wasn't my fault that the Nakai had me under their control, they forced me to do this_ , he told himself over and over again. But why did he feel so endlessly guilty if it wasn't his fault?  
Deep down he knew the answer... The Nakai might have implanted this chip, but if he really was honest with himself, he hadn't fight against them with all his strength and willpower. He'd wanted to hurt Rush, he'd wanted him to suffer. He'd wanted to punish Miss Hansen. And TJ had rebuffed him when he'd wanted to kiss her earlier. They all had hurt his feelings or humiliated him in a way and he had wanted to exact revenge on all of them.  
But now, he realized it hadn't brought him satisfaction. On the contrary, it had only made him feel worse. He had lost control of himself, over his actions and even over his willpower and own thoughts.  
What kind of human had he become? Until now he had solved conflicts directly and with the relevant people. The malice, and especially the cruelty, he had shown frightened him. He didn't know himself anymore and knew he could never forgive himself for what he'd done.  
He looked surreptitiously to his left at Rush. He nearly had killed the man again. He swallowed with some difficulty. Could he become a murderer?

Melody woke up shivering from the cold. Her nose was clogged from crying earlier and her throat was dry and hurt because she only could breathe through her mouth. Not to mention she was already quite dehydrated since Young had kidnapped her. She was still sitting, leaning against the container and the cold of the floor had chilled her to the bones. Sitting in just one position for so long had made her muscles stiff and her whole body ached. For a moment she thought about trying to fall asleep again (she was tired enough), but then the fear for Rush and Eli overcame her and she struggled to stand up. She had to know how they were.  
But she made a slight detour to her quarters to change.  
She felt still terribly cold when she reached the doors of the infirmary some time later. A soldier was still guarding the door but obviously he thought that Melody needed medical attention because when he saw her, her hands tucked in her armpits and trembling like a leaf, he didn't stop her. He actually stepped aside.  
Melody had barely entered the room when Dr. Brightman came towards her. "Are you not feeling well?" she asked at once.  
Melody shook her head. "I'm fine, I just wanted to ask how Doctor Rush is? He's... still alive, isn't he?" she asked timidly. She didn't see him anywhere.  
"Yes, he is. He just needs time and care, then he'll be back to his feet. Are you sure you're okay?" the doctor asked Melody again, looking at the girl skeptically. "I don't think the guard let you pass without reason," she added.  
"I'm sure," Melody replied, almost defensively. Her tone didn't slip the attention of the doctor, however and Melody noticed her blunder at once. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm fine. Honestly. I'm just concerned about Doctor Rush and Eli." She gave Dr. Brightman a smile, that the physician clearly didn't believe. "Please, may I stay with them for a moment?" she asked.  
The doctor eyed Melody suspiciously. She neither missed the shivering nor the slightly blue tinge to Melody's lips. But she was more concerned about Melody's emotional state. For a moment, she considered keeping the young woman in sickbay, but she also sensed Melody's resistance. At a glance, though, she couldn't find anything that would be reason enough to keep Melody there. Dr. Brightman sighed.  
"Very well, but only a few minutes. After that you'll head straight to your quarters and have some rest. And dress warmly, you look a bit hypothermic."  
Melody nodded gratefully and didn't bother to tell Dr. Brightman that she was right.  
Moments later, she sat beside Rush's bed even though he was still heavily sedated. She was endlessly relieved and happy that he was still alive and would eventually recover. Hesitantly, she laid her hand on his and squeezed it gently. She didn't notice Young sending her black looks from the back of sickbay where Dr. Brightman had accommodated him. And he was watching everything.  
The Colonel's eyes narrowed slightly and he could feel the rage rising from deep inside him again. What was it about Rush that made everyone care for him? After all, he was the bad apple on board, the one with all the secrets and solo actions. The one who used the people for his own sake and was even willing to let them die. Rush only cared about the goddamn ship.  
 _This again, Everett?_ he reproved himself. What was up with him? Resolutely, he turned his head to the other side and tried to think on anything else but Emily who had left him. Or TJ, who obviously didn't want him either. And definitely not of Rush, who evidently was really loved by three woman.  
 _At least two of them are already dead_ , a hateful thought came to his mind, but he regretted it immediately.   
_A drink would be helpful right now_ he thought, longing for the wonderful feeling of forgetting everything.

Melody managed to squeeze out 10 minutes visiting time. Actually, it was closer to 15 because she also paid Eli a short visit. Then she left the infirmary and headed back to her quarters. She had warmed up a little, but she still had a sore throat. So she gave in to Dr. Brightman's order to have some rest.  
What she hadn't reckoned was the fact that Dr. Brightman herself would be making a house-call 10 minutes later.  
At first, Melody wanted to ignore the knocking at her door, but the possibility there was a problem with the Destiny and she would be needed to help had her answering it.  
"Doctor Brightman?" she asked, surprised. Camile Wray stood in front of her door and Melody wasn't sure if it really was her.  
"Still on duty, that's right," Dr. Brightman said. "I'm pleased to see you followed my orders," the doctor stated when she saw Melody was wearing more layers of clothing. She looked around Melody, into her quarters, to see the bed's blanket half pulled away as if waiting for Melody to crawl under it.  
Melody found it pretty awful that Dr. Brightman, of all people, was there. She feared Greer or someone else from the rescue team might have talked about her. Right now, she'd prefer a wrestling match with a grizzly bear instead of thinking—or, even worse, talking—about anything that had happened down there. But what else could the doctor want? Melody felt herself tense up and was ready to defend herself.  
"May I come in for a moment?" the physician asked politely.  
Melody stepped aside after a brief moment, allowing her to enter. The door closed again and Melody folded her arms tightly, waiting for whatever was coming.  
Dr. Brightman stood beside Melody’s table. "Are you feeling better?" she asked harmlessly, tone mild. "At least your lips are not the blueish like earlier and the shivering has stopped."  
Melody wasn't sure how to answer so she merely nodded wordlessly and pressed her arms tighter to her body.  
Dr. Brightman noticed it, but she was there to gain some answers and offering her help to the young woman. "Miss Hansen," she began carefully "Lieutenant Scott informed me that the Nakai bent Colonel Young to their will. I have seen what he did to Doctor Rush, Lieutenant Johansen and Mister Wallace, but one piece is missing."  
Melody stayed quiet, but her cheek muscles twitched tellingly.  
"I would like to know what had happened to you. It… must have been hard for you to witness what happened with Doctor Rush." Dr. Brightman hesitated a moment before she asked the crucial question: "Did he rape you as well?"  
Melody still didn't say anything but she went pale. Dr. Brightman almost feared she would collapse, but then Melody spoke.  
"He did nothing to me," Melody said in a quiet voice. "He just nudged me against the back of the chair in the repository so I couldn't complete the program for Doctor Rush to gain his memory back. The wound scabbed over," she said. To deflect the doctor's attention, she shoved her hair aside so the physician could see the cut.  
 _That's not a lie_ , Melody thought to herself. _He really didn't touch me. At least, not after he kidnapped me_.   
Nobody knew about the incident that night in the still and what Young had made Dr. Rush do. And well, Dr. Brightman didn't ask about that so Melody wasn't going to offer the information. She looked away, down to the floor.  
On one hand Brightman was relieved that Young hadn't hurt Melody, on the other hand she sensed, that the girl was still hiding something from her. Something which was severe enough to explain her condition. But she knew Melody wouldn't tell her on her own free will so Dr. Brightman decided to leave her at peace for now, but not until she checked her over.  
"Do you have a headache? You should have come to the infirmary and let me check on that wound."  
"No, it wasn't a big thing," Melody evaded.  
"Were you unconscious at any point?" the doctor pressed. Now the girl had to nod. "Please, lay down on your bed," Dr. Brightman instructed. "I'd like to examine your head more closely and check your vital signs."  
Melody sighed softly, unfolded her arms and crawled under her blanket.  
Dr. Brightman took her pulse and her temperature (as a precaution she had brought a thermometer along), felt her head and moved her carefully. But the young woman seemed to be lucky and had no further injuries except the cut. Before she left Melody's quarters, she admonished the young woman to drink some water (since she'd been missing for more than an entire day, it was doubtful she'd had something to eat or drink), and then try to get some sleep.  
When she was finally alone, Melody drank some water and covered herself completely with the blanket. Images of Colonel Young grieved her; how he'd threatened them, forced Rush to almost sleep with her and Young's impatience because Rush hadn't wanted to hurt her, nearly killed him by beating him up.  
She felt sick and curled up under the blanket. Tears filled her eyes and she started to sob again until she was too exhausted to stay awake.


	11. Repression

After the Drs. Brightman and Willis kept him for 2 days in the infirmary to survey him and giving him a chance to come to terms with himself, Colonel Young was glad he could hole up in his quarters. Besides that, he was also glad that Melody Hansen hasn't appeared a second time to pay a visit to Rush and Eli since both men were still unconscious. For Rush's part, he had overheard the doctors wanted to wake him the next day and Eli's condition was still unchanged. He was honestly sorry for the young man. When Rush was off the ship for this short time, Eli had been a competent replacement for the scientist and Young thought he'd be capable of handling Destiny.  
What bothered him most was the fact that he had absolutely no idea how he could ever face TJ again. He knew nothing about her except for the public information that she was doing fine, physically. He wanted to apologize at her, but he also knew it couldn't be done with a simple 'I'm sorry'. Although he didn't feel a lot of pity for Rush, he knew deep inside that he also owned him an apology. The same applied to Miss Hansen and Eli.  
Young ran a hand through his hair and sighed. This was a nightmare. He didn't know who on board knew the truth about what had happened. Did Lt. Scott and Msgt. Greer say something? Did the whole crew know? He felt his stomach turn at the thought.  
He jumped with a start when a knock on his door interrupted his thoughts.  
"Come in," he said, curious who would still talk to him after all that had happened. When the doors opened, his eyes widened and his mouth parted slightly in surprise. He had reckoned with nearly everyone but definitely not with TJ. She looked a bit shy and only gave him a brief look.   
_Like she wanted to run at any second_ , Young thought and rose from the couch.  
"TJ?" he asked softly.  
"I… thought we could have… a talk?" she asked quietly and Everett just nodded.

_Half an hour before, TJ's quarters_

The young medic sat cross-legged on her bed and looked thoughtfully out to the stars. A few minutes ago Chloe had been there. Since she'd been released from the infirmary, Chloe had paid her a visit every day. Visits consisted of just sitting quietly on her bed or they talked. Well, 'talked' was overstated; TJ mostly listened while Chloe talked, told her about daily routines, the status of ship and crew and had carefully switched the topic to Young.  
From Scott, TJ roughly knew about what happened to him on the planet. She hadn't forgotten Scott's request for her to talk to the Col. But she wasn't ready yet.  
Chloe had just left her with the information that Colonel Young had been released to his quarters.  
After Scott had paid her a visit, her so very careful and brave thoughts, that she had to forget for the sake of the crew and that Everett was only a tool used by the Nakai, began noticeably to unravel. The longer she thought about everything, the more doubt she had. She was torn between forgiveness and anger. And so many details were still missing. What had happened exactly?  
Why hadn't Young fought against the control?   
She thought about the last question over and over and although she had doubts, she made a decision. She would talk to him. She would listen first, hear what he had to say and then decide how their relationship would go on.  
She stood up slowly and left her quarters. It wasn't easy for her to make this way and more than once she stopped, thought about to return. She was afraid of the confrontation, she couldn't know how he would react to her and almost felt like she was walking to her own execution. But TJ knew it had to be done sometime. And she preferred it to be quick.  
Much too soon for her liking she arrived in front of the Colonel's quarters. Indecisively, she stood there. She lifted her hand several times to knock, but couldn't bring herself to do it.   
_Tamara, snap out of it!_ she scolded herself. _You're not such a coward usually._  
Quick and with attitude, before she could rethink it, she walked towards the door and three knocks resounded. Seconds later, the door opened and she looked straight into the fear-widened eyes of Everett.  
Tamara wanted to say something, but no words came out of her mouth. Tongue-tied she stared at him until he rose and quietly asked "TJ?"   
This broke something in her and she was able to speak again.   
"I… thought we could have… a talk?" Everett nodded and she hesitantly entered his quarters. The doors closed behind her with a dull sound.

About 2 hours later, TJ left his quarters with mixed feelings. She was relieved they had talked. It caused him major difficulties to answer her question, but he had done it. Mercilessly, against himself.  
The only question he couldn't answer was the one she'd needed most; why he hadn't fought the Nakai. He had told her this detail had been erased from his memory, but TJ knew he was hiding something.   
_He probably feels guilty because they were able to overwhelm him_ , she assumed and conceded this little secret to him.  
Young had to swallow at this point. He didn't want to lie to Tamara, but that detail he could tell no one. The truth was that the Nakai had simply taken him by surprise.  
If he had secured the area in the first place, maybe all of this wouldn't have happened. But that time he hadn't done it. The plain on which TJ and Rush had worked was open and he hadn't expected any danger from the hills behind them. However, the fact that he hadn't fought back against their mind-control with all his strength wasn't forgivable and of course he kept that secret. And she didn't ask for it.  
Instead he had apologized over and over again and assured how sorry he was. Tamara believed him and she also knew she would forgive him. But that would take some time, she also told him. For the first time during their conversation, she saw the facial features of the Colonel relax a bit. He promised to give her all the time in the world and finally thanked her for coming to him.  
Tamara was back in her quarters now, sitting on her bed and recalling the whole conversation.

After some hours of sleep, and another visit of Dr. Brightman, Melody had a temperature. So the doctor confined her to her bed for the rest of the day and the following night and personally brought her water and a bit of the grey mush (which definitely didn't deserve the term 'food') from the mess. Although they had new supplies on board, Melody only just managed to get the mush down.  
She asked for the condition of Dr. Rush and Eli. Dr. Brightman told her that they would wake up Dr. Rush the next day and Eli's condition was still unchanged.  
"Try to sleep," Dr. Brightman said finally, waiting until Melody had finished her water and ate at least a quarter of the mush. "I'll check for you again later."  
"That really won't be necessary," Melody replied. She felt uncomfortable under such great attention, and even house calls, from the doctor.  
"I think, Miss Hansen, in such things I know better than you what is necessary and what not," Dr. Brightman said indulgently with a smile, so her words wouldn't sound as a lecture.  
"If your temperature is down by tomorrow, you may visit Mister Wallace and Doctor Rush for a few minutes."  
"I… don't know if that would be such a good idea," Melody said, an unpleasant feeling in her stomach again.  
Dr. Brightman frowned and looked at her. She had presumed that Melody would prefer an awake Dr. Rush over a sleeping one, but obviously she had been wrong. It couldn't have something to do with Mr. Wallace, he was still in a coma.   
On the spur of the moment, she asked "Are you afraid Doctor Rush won't want so see you?"  
Melody's cheeks became a bit more red as they already were from the fever and she didn't answer.  
 _So yes_ , the doctor mused to herself. _But why? What happened? Or is it she who doesn't want to see him if he's awake?_   
She was curious, but wouldn't push. She would find out at some point. She would talk to Dr. Rush when he was feeling better and ask him what Young really did to both of them.  
"Very well, Miss Hansen. Try to sleep now. I'll see you later. If you need anything or are feeling worse, you contact sickbay immediately. I'll let Doctor Willis know."  
"Understood," Melody said and closed her eyes.

The next day around noon, both physicians gave Rush a thorough check up before they stopped the IV with the alien venom which held him sedated. About an hour later when the Scot woke up slowly, he felt violent waves of pain in his lower abdomen and rectum. He groaned with pain until he suddenly heard a voice besides him.  
"Hello, Doctor Rush."  
The scientist opened his eyes, blinked a few times and then the memories came back. Abruptly, he suppressed any further expressions of pain.   
"What about the others?" he asked. "Colonel Young, Miss Hansen and Mister Wallace?" His voice sounded rough.  
Dr. Willis helped Rush to lift his head a bit and held a cup of water to his lips.   
"Have some water first," he said.   
While Rush sipped the water the doctor told him what happened since Rush had lost consciousness in the abandoned section of the ship.  
In doing so he also hinted about what Young had told them, what he had done and Rush felt his cheeks getting red and hot when he remembered.   
Dr. Willis was suddenly very interested in a spot at the end of Rush's bed and the scientist thanked him inwardly for his tact. But he was even more concerned about the fact, that Eli was still in a coma and that the doctor hadn't practically not even mentioned Melody. How was she?  
When Dr. Willis reached the point where Young was released to his quarters yesterday, Rush asked about the young woman as casually as possible. "And what about Miss Hansen?"  
"She's running a slight fever, but she's fine. She was a bit hypothermic. Luckily, the Colonel spared her."  
Rush didn't say anything. How could he? Obviously Melody hadn't told them what Young had forced him to do. He would leave it at that. No one could change what had happened and it was better to forget and carry on. The fact that Melody seemed to think of it the same way as he did made him care for her even more.  
 _No, that was just the moment in the situation. I had to give myself permission to care, otherwise both of us were very likely dead by now_ , he thought and sighed subtly.  
"I'll get back to my work," Rush said, changing the subject and just went to sit himself up but the doctor held him back.  
"Woah, not so fast! Just waking up doesn't mean automatically you'll be fit for duty, Doctor Rush! You have to stay here for at least a few more days. For heaven's sake, you almost died from the internal bleeding. If you don't restrain yourself, it was all for nothing."   
The corner of Rush's mouth twitched with anger. He was still in a great deal of pain, but he didn't want to lay about the infirmary, condemned to think about the events. Distraction was something else. Distraction was needed.  
"Then summon Miss Hansen," Rush demanded. "I at least want to know what's up with the ship. Thinking is allowed, isn't it?" he asked, snappish.  
"I'll gladly pass on your friendly invitation for Miss Hansen to pay you a visit. But not until she has recovered completely." Dr. Willis gave Rush a smile.  
The scientist gave him a peeved look but couldn't do anything.  
"Are you in great pain anywhere?" the doctor then asked.  
"No," the Scot answered at once.  
And rather too quick for Dr. Willis' taste. He had noticed the pained groaning of his patient when he came to.   
"Doctor Rush," he started with a sigh, "the earlier you tell me the truth, the better I can treat you. Which means you'll be getting onto your beloved bridge sooner. Now, are you feeling a great deal of pain anywhere?"  
Rush kept quiet for a moment. "It's bearable at the moment," he grumbled.  
"Where?" Dr. Willis wanted to know.  
"Lower abdomen," Rush said very softly.  
The doctor nodded. “That's to be expected. I'll give you another painkiller. That's the reason we kept you sedated that long. I'll have to discuss that with Doctor Brightman."   
He went for another IV, quickly changing the bags. "It won't knock you out this time, but you'll feel a certain tiredness. It's probably best if you give in to it. Otherwise, hopefully it'll be effective enough as a painkiller."  
Already a few moments later the tearing pain eased into a dull pounding and Rush felt a heaviness in his head. He had difficulties to keep his eyes open, but did it anyway.

As promised, Dr. Willis had delivered Dr. Rush's message to Melody that he wished to see her. At first, the young woman hesitated. Not until the third day, after Dr. Brightman had paid her some visits and she came under pressure for failing to offer an explanation for not wanting to see the scientist, she brought herself to do it finally. She was afraid the doctor would find out and she wanted to prevent that at all costs. With a pounding heart she walked down the corridors of the Destiny until she finally arrived at the infirmary.  
"Miss Hansen," she was at once greeted by Dr. Willis, who was on duty.   
"Doctor Rush is eager to see you," he joked, and couldn't anticipate of course, that it hit Melody deep inside. She pressed her fingernails into her heel of hand and bit on her lip.  
The physician didn't notice any of this, he had already turned around to led her to Dr. Rush.   
"Doctor Rush, here's the young lady at last," he said smiling.  
Nicholas' eyes met Melody's and she quickly looked down. "Would you please give us some privacy?" Rush asked the doctor.  
"Of course," Dr. Willis answered and retreated.  
Melody didn't dare to look at the scientist and kept her distance. Anyway, she didn't know what to say.  
Eventually it was Rush who began.   
"Mister Wallace is still in a coma. I need information about the ship’s status. Are you already up to go back to work, Miss Hansen?"  
On one hand, Melody felt a kind of relief. On the other hand, sadness. Addressing her with her surname told her he was keeping his professional distance, as if nothing had happened and that his offer to call her 'Nick' was just meant for that special moment in that situation when their lives were at stake.  
Well, maybe it was better this way. Maybe it was better to forget everything. Aside from that she was thankful that he didn't mention Col.Young, the Nakai or the circumstances they’d been in. She knew he, like her, wouldn't talk about that anymore.  
She swallowed once to wet her suddenly dry throat.   
"Of course, Doctor Rush." Calling him by his title she indicated that she accepted his terms.  
Rush nodded, satisfied. "Keep me informed on a daily basis. And bring me a DHD and a laptop straight away. I'll work from here."  
Melody kept quiet for a moment.   
"I'll talk to Doctor Willis, if he’ll allow it." She couldn't imagine the doctor would give him a go for that. Not after Young had almost beat Rush to death.  
Rush frowned in a dangerous way, but Melody gave him a desperate look.   
"Please, Doctor Rush, I'll manage." Her green eyes had a slight glaze to them.  
An image of Melody came to his mind, when she had pleaded in the same tone to Young to let go of him. He didn't want to hear it a second time, it had pierced him to the heart. So he nodded. "Very well, ask him."  
Before Melody would burst into tears she turned around and literally fled.  
It almost lacerated Nick's heart, but he instantly suppressed his feelings again. Worry about the girl was the last thing he could allow himself right now. Only their survival had been important. The ship was important. The crew was important. Nothing else.

As promised, Melody returned a few hours later. Rush saw her talking to Dr. Brightman first (it was her shift again and Rush wished for Lt. Tamara back on duty because he found both physicians too stubborn regarding his wishes and he wasn't allowed to do anything on his own), then she walked over to him.  
Straightforward, she got to the point.   
"Aside from our maintaining list, there were no further defects or damage to Destiny. The defective shower has been repaired in the meantime, also the docking bay, which suffered a mechanical damage through the shuttle. Mister Brody assembled a small team of engineers and scientists and if there are no complications, they expect to have repaired or bypassed the damaged conduits of the weapons system on port side."  
Melody went on listing the repairs for the next days until she was interrupted by a grcom which didn't come from Rush. It also distracted Dr. Rush from the Destiny and both looked in the direction where Eli's bed was.   
Dr. Brightman hurried past them towards the young man, who seemed to be waking up.   
Melody gave Rush a quick, apologetic look he acknowledged with a nod and left her list on his blanket and she went over to the other bed.  
Eli had opened his eyes and Dr. Brightman gave him a check up.  
"Mister Wallace? Do you remember what happened?" she asked during her examination.  
Eli narrowed his eyes and reflected. "I was in the repository, monitoring Doctor Rush and the program. After that... I can't remember anything."  
Dr. Brightman seemed to be relived. "Good, your motor speech center wasn't affected and obviously your memory power neither. Can you move your hands, arms and legs?"  
Eli tried to carefully move his body and he was lucky. They all responded and moved.  
"Very good, now put a finger on π , 10 digits behind the comma."  
Melody stared at the doctor, but Eli didn't hesitate even for a second and burst out "3,14159265358979323846264…"  
"Thank you, ten digits would have been enough," the physician stopped Eli with a smile.  
She turned to Melody, "I wanted to check if his brain has suffered permanent damage, but until now it seems not. His motor functions are unaffected so far, like his memory, and he also seems to have his mathematical talents. Mister Wallace, you're incredibly lucky. Do you still have a headache?"  
"A bit," he said and then saw Melody standing besides his bed.   
"Mel! Where have you been?" he asked, surprised, happy to see her.  
The cheeks of the young woman turned a shade darker and she evaded his question. "It's a long and complicated story. I'll tell you sometime, later. More importantly, you woke up. We were all very worried about you, Eli."  
"What happened?" he asked.  
"It's up to Doctor Brightman to tell you," Melody said. "Excuse me, please. I have to go back to work." She went back to Dr. Rush, who had read the list by himself in the meantime, took it and said her good-bye to him as well.  
"Doctor Rush?" The scientist heard Eli's surprised voice when Melody left.  
"Yes, Mister Wallace. It's good to see you awake again. It was about time."  
"I thought you were released?"  
"Complications. Nothing to worry about. See to it that you quickly get back to your feet again," the Scot answered brusquely.  
"Doctor Rush is right," Dr. Brightman interfered. She'd anticipated, of course, that Rush wouldn't want to tell any details as to why he was here again. "Relax and if you're feeling up to, you can try to get out of bed tomorrow. You were in a coma for a few days, Mister Wallace."  
"Oh," Eli said simply. "So what has happened?" he asked again.  
Doctor Brightman gave Eli a short look, but he looked away. "You were knocked down," she said, generalizing the events.  
"By whom and why?" Eli pressed on, naturally.  
"Mister Wallace, believe me, Miss Hansen was right. This is a long and complicated story, of which you first need to hear the background. But now isn't the right time to tell it. I'll answer all your questions when I think you are up to it. And don't be alarmed, everything is all right again."

Of course Eli was eager to know what was going on, but he restrained himself because neither Dr. Brightman nor Dr. Rush would tell him anything right now. He hadn't forgotten Dr. Rush's words and tried a shot in the dark. "Was it Colonel Young?"  
Dr. Brightman sighed and eventually nodded. "Yes, but he was controlled by the Nakai. He wasn't accountable."  
"The Nakai!?" Eli cried out loud, startled. "Here? On Destiny?"  
"Mister Wallace!" Dr. Brightman said sharply and pushed him down on the cot again. "As I said, that's a long story. The Nakai are gone and the Colonel is fine. You'll get to know everything later."  
"Okay, okay," Eli gave in, since he now knew at least roughly what had happened and was satisfied for a start.  
"Are you hungry, Mister Wallace?" the doctor asked, changing the subject.  
"And how!" he answered.  
"Another good sign. I'll get you something from the mess."  
"Thank you!" Eli shouted after her before she left his view.  
Because he had some trouble earlier moving (obviously he really had been asleep a few days and felt a bit stiff) he began to exercise his muscles again. He moved his fingers, hands, legs and feet and after a while he had the feeling he was in a gym. It distracted him a bit but nevertheless, he was still mulling over the Nakai and Young.


	12. Apologies

Dr. Rush had to stay another week in the infirmary until he was finally released.   
Eli was luckier. The day after he woke, his muscle-building training began and after 3 days he was healthy again. He just had to restrain himself for the first time with repairs, but he could work on the bridge with no restrictions. The Drs. Brightman and Willis had made a series of tests with him but in the end they could attest, that he hadn't suffered any permanent damage.  
The Scot was glad that Eli had a close shave and looked after him, a bit jealous as Eli left the infirmary.  
His own injuries were healing slowly, much too slow for the impatient Scot. The reports Melody brought him on a daily basis were not as much of a distraction as he had hoped for. Everything was running smoothly, there were no new damages on the ship nor was anything going wrong with the repairs.   
On the third day, the scientist almost wished for a total failure of the engines or even of the life support so he had something to work on.  
The conversations between Rush and Melody contained only ship relevant data. It was an odd tenseness between the two of them. It bothered Rush, although he tried to fight it. The young woman appeared to be extremely timid, never looked at him more than a few seconds and spoke only when necessary. And in the rare moments, she looked at him, he could read in her eyes that she was still suffering terribly from the disagreeable occurrence. Rush was more than once tempted to raise the subject, but he couldn't. So her glances remained hurt and sad and that was almost the worst for him.

When the week was over, Dr. Willis accompanied Rush back into his quarters. He couldn't have managed the way on his own, he was rather weak; partly in a great deal of pain and still far away from healthy. But he was thankful that he at least was allowed to recover in his own bed where he had some privacy.  
With a relieved sigh he sank down onto his bed. The doctor took off his shoes and strongly reminded him to stay in bed.   
"As you may have noticed yourself, you're far from recovered, Doctor Rush,” Dr. Willis said. “You're to stay in bed and rest. Visitors are allowed, but no longer than ten minutes. Try to sleep as much as possible and we'll check on you regularly and bring food and water. So aside from visiting the washroom, you have no reason to leave your bed. And of course you'll not visit the bathroom on your own. No excursions to the bridge and no work. Do I make myself clear?"  
Rush wanted to do the opposite of what he was told, but he just nodded this time. Even if he’d wanted to, he wouldn't be capable of making his way to the bridge on his own. He had never thought his body was so weak and the pain so great when walking. So he had no other choice than laying around here.  
He had regular visitors. Of course, both physicians dropped by. As well as Eli and Melody (the emotional conditions of the girl seemed to worsen every time, and while it bothered Rush more and more he stubbornly denied it to himself).

On the second day in his quarters he got a small surprise. At lunch time, when normally Dr. Brightman showed up, someone knocked. But it wasn't the doctor who brought him a tray with his meal, but TJ.  
"Lieutenant!" Rush called out in surprise and tried to lean against the head of the bed. A pained cry slipped out of his mouth the next moment. Moving wasn't still on his priority list, but like with Melody and Eli, he prefered to face Tamara in a sitting position.  
The medic managed to smile slightly. "Stay put, I'm here as medic."  
Rush frowned."You're already back to work?" he asked and gave up his attempts to sit up.  
"Part-time," she answered. "Physically, I feel fine." The unsaid subset filled the room with a pregnant silence and Rush looked away.   
At least Tamara broke the silence (which was even worse) after a tense seconds. "Here, I brought you something to eat and new water." She went around the bed and put the tray down on his nightstand.  
"Thank you," Rush said but didn't make any efforts to take anything.  
Hesitantly TJ stood beside his bed, but then sat down on the edge. "How are you?" she asked  
Rush felt like the question was only the prelude for the topic, which he didn't want to discuss. "It's bearable,” he answered brusquely and hoped she would let it go because of his gruff reply.  
TJ bit her lower lip and carefully said "Doctor Rush, I talked to Colonel Young—”   
"Lieutenant,” Rush cut her off rudely. “If you wouldn't mind. I'm very tired and need rest. Please leave now."  
Tamara had expected some resistance, but she wasn't prepared for Rush to become so angry. She nodded and stood. "Of course. I'll check on you again later."  
"That really won't be necessary, Lieutenant,” the Scot replied coldly. "Better concern yourself about others, not me."  
 _That was plain enough!_ Tamara thought sadly, but for the moment respected his attitude. "See you later, Doctor Rush,” she said her goodbye and left his quarters.  
Nicholas looked at the closed doors. Why did everyone have to keep harping on the subject to death? Talking about it wouldn't change anything. Disgruntled, he reached for the glass of water and drank it up hastily.

Half an hour later he was just dozing off when someone knocked at his door again.  
 _Can it be Melody? But why is she coming so early? Maybe there's something wrong with the ship…_  
Thinking about that something could be wrong with the Destiny let him become suddenly wide awake and impatiently he shouted "Come in!".   
The doors opened and Rush's eyes widened in fear. Ignoring his aching body, he backed away from Colonel Young as far as possible.  
The CO noticed Rush’s reaction and sighed subtly, stopping in the doorway. He lifted his hand to show Rush he wouldn't harm him.  
"What do you want?" Rush spat out, giving Young a look of disgust, anger and fear.  
"I… just came here to apologize. I am very, very sorry for what I have done," Young managed to say. At the same moment, he thought of how ridiculous he must sound. But what else could he say?  
Obviously, Rush thought the same because he snorted contemptuously.   
“Oh, of course, you're sorry,” Rush said, voice cold. “No problem, it wasn't that bad. You just nearly killed me, but that’s become almost routine by now!" Rush was so furious that some veins at his throat bulged.  
Young lowered his head. "If I could undo it—”  
“But you can’t undo it, Colonel!” Nicholas cut him off, yelling at him. "None of it!"  
"Rush, I don't know what to say except I deeply regret everything. The Nakai—” Young started a new attempt, but again Rush interrupted him brusquely.  
"Spare me your excuses, Colonel!"  
"Then what would you have me do to get this right again?" Young shouted as well, losing his temper. "Do you think I don't have to live with those memories? Do you really think I have peace of mind after what they did to me?"  
Young suddenly went quiet. Rush and he simply stared at each other for long moments.   
"What they did to you?” Rush said, incredulous. “Have you already tried to enter an airlock and then open the external door?" Rush suggested with blistering sarcasm. "That would be a good start."  
"Rush!" Young said in a warning tone.  
The scientist ignored him and yelled "Fuck off! Now! And don't you dare come back!"  
The Col. compressed his lips, turned around without another word and left.

Rush stared at the closed doors for quite a while, thinking.   
Who did Young think he was? Did he really hope a simple 'sorry' would suffice and everything would be fine again? How absurd! And this wasn't just about him, even if he’d been physically abused the worst, but he would get over it. Young had almost killed Eli with that knock to his head, but luckily the boy was merely left unconscious. Unlike Lt. Johansen and Melody.   
Rush trusted that the Lt. would find the balance of her mind some time soon. As much as Rush knew, Lt. Johansen was told only roughly what Young had done, but Melody had witnessed everything and almost experienced everything physically. He could only hope she would come to her senses again when she saw that he stayed strong. He saw it in her, that his abuse afflicted her more than his touches on her body and the kisses Young had forced. Yes, she had wanted to feel him, he was aware of that, and he had also reacted to her.   
Rush ran a hand over his face. Right now, it was all a mess. He would give almost everything if things would be like in the beginning of their journey. When he had his aloof aura that made everyone back off and made him untouchable. But that had changed with Colonel Young. He had changed Rush the first time by abandoning him on that planet. The second time was caused by the Nakai, who had tortured him with their painful and cruel tests. And now Young had taken away a piece of himself again.  
He would very likely never again be the man he was in the beginning, but he could save his appearance. But before he could work on that, he must be able to move again. Grimly, he decided to ask the doctor during his next visit when his wounds would be healed so he could go back to work again.


	13. Needs

Late, after midnight, Col. Young was on his way to his quarters to try to find some sleep again. The last few nights have taken a lot out of him; he’d suffered from nightmares of the Nakai and recently even of TJ, Rush and Miss Hansen as they begged him to stop. But in his dreams, he didn't listen to their urgent entreaty and only stopped when they all laid bathed in blood on the ground, no longer moving and staring at him with dead eyes.   
At that point, he always jolted awake, dripping with sweat and unable to sleep anymore.  
The result was that he tried to stay awake as long as possible, but now he couldn't keep his eyes open. They were already burning with fatigue as he walked through the dimmed corridors, past the control room, which was (to his astonishment) bathed in light. He looked inside to find Melody working at a console. Alone.   
He hadn't to think twice before approaching. The girl was difficult to find and when he’d previously spotted her, she wasn't alone.   
But now, he had the opportunity to apologize. He sighed quietly. Her reaction would probably be similar to Rush's. But on the other hand, there wasn’t much that had happened to her. Admittedly, Rush had undressed her and also touched her, but he didn't rape her. And because she now knew about the Nakai as well, he was confident that she'd understand the situation better than Rush.  
So he entered the control room and coughed softly.   
Melody turned around, startled, her eyes widened in fear when she recognized Young. She looked around helplessly, but she was alone.  
"What do you want?" she asked carefully, once the Col. had come closer.  
"I know it must sound a bit odd, but I want you to know that I deeply regret what the Nakai did to you. Through me."  
Melody thought she heard wrong, the memories of Nicholas coming back to her mind. Nicholas: who was kicked and raped by Young. Before she thought about what she was saying, she was speaking.   
"You even enjoyed it!” she practically spat. “You hate Doctor Rush because he is the one who keeps the Destiny intact and saved you and everyone else’s life dozens of times! And you're nothing compared to him!"  
Melody shook in anger and fear. She was terrified about what she had said and when she noticed that Young's face was red with anger.   
Both of Young’s hands were clenched and it cost him a lot to hold himself back.   
"You have no idea what you're talking about, Miss Hansen," he hissed. "I am very aware that Doctor Rush is indispensable for this ship and you can take my word that it wasn't a pleasure what the Nakai did to me."  
 _He brushes everything off again_ , Melody thought, furious.   
"Of course,” she shot back, tone dripping with sarcasm, forgetting all fear. “He's keeping you alive. But if you could, you would get rid of him without flinching! You just don't have anyone who could take his place. Because not even Eli can measure up with his genius!"  
"That's enough!" Young yelled at her and with 3 wide steps he overcame the distance between them until he stood directly in front of her. He just barely controlled the urge to slap in her face (Melody saw his hand coming up for a slap but he stopped in time) but went on yelling, "Doctor Rush is a member of this crew and he has the same rights of everyone else on board! His life is as valuable as everyone else's!"  
Melody snorted, unimpressed by Young’s shouting. "If that were true, Colonel Young, you wouldn't have abandoned him to die on that planet,” she said coldly.  
Young went deathly pale and he stared at her in shock. How could she know that?  
Melody used the moment to flee from him and ran out of the control room.  
Young was still standing there, feeling lightning struck, and his world was out of joint more and more.   
Later, he couldn't remember how he even got there, he found himself at Brody's still, searching for some moonshine. Luckily for Young, the engineer had distilled an ample supply and Young helped himself.

Melody had reached 'her' small observation deck, the one she knew, no one would find her there (except maybe for Eli, but he had no reason to look for her).  
 _I should have never revived Young_ , she thought angrily. Plus, she was sure that either she was now one of the top on Young's black list with what she had (unfortunately) said so improvidently, or he would take revenge on Rush because he must think he had told her.  
Melody ran her hand through her hair. Now it was her fault that Nick was in even greater danger than before! Somehow, she knew that the Col. would hold him responsible.   
A new wave of fear for the scientist ran through her and she considered telling someone she could trust.   
First, she thought of Eli, but she wasn't sure he'd believe her. After all he hadn't seen how Young had grabbed her that earlier night, nor what he really had done to Nicholas. No, she couldn't tell anyone. But she would give Nick a warning.  
Melody shook her head. This was getting on top of her. The game was getting more tricky, the stage constantly smaller. They couldn't even avoid each other.

Rush's patience was sorely tried. Until Dr. Brightman allowed him, obviously under duress, to get back to work again (at least for a few hours). But it took another week.  
When he stood in the control room at last, and checked the ship systems by himself, he finally found the distraction he needed. He deliberately avoided the bridge so he could avoid the curious eyes of his team (they didn’t know what had really happened, at least not yet). So, he buried himself in work. Of course, he overdid it in the beginning.  
Only Melody noticed it. Unnoticed by him, she always worked in the same area, without ever bothering or interrupt him.  
The longer she maintained her silence, the more she was eager to at least be near him. It always calmed her to see him. Although, she was growing increasingly worried about his workload.

A few days passed when Rush suddenly slumped over, supporting himself in the last moment at a console.   
Melody, who had worked behind him at a console, was by his side at once to help him.  
"Doctor Rush," she said softly, "shall I call for TJ?" she asked, referring to the young medic that had recently returned to duty.  
"No, I'm fine," Rush said and straightened himself up - just to collapse again.   
Melody quickly wrapped her arm around his waist and put Rush's left arm around her shoulders.   
"It's better if I take you to the infirmary," she said, worried, and wanted to drag the the scientist with her, but he clung to the console.  
"As I said, that's not necessary. I just need a moment."  
The young woman stopped doubtfully, but didn't let go of him. Rush tried to get away from her, because the body contact brought his so careful suppressed feelings for her back to the surface, but he had to accept that he couldn't stand on his feet without her support.  
"At least let me take you to your quarters," Melody urged him and the scientist nodded finally.   
She breathed out in relief and helped the Scot, who had noticeably to lean on her shoulders, back to his quarters.

Melody helped him to lay down on his bed, filled a glass with water, sat down beside him and lifted his head slightly so he could drink.   
Rush didn't even have the strength to hold the glass steady and Melody quickly put her hand on his, holding the glass so he wouldn't spill everything.   
The contact with his skin washed hot waves through her body, but she tried to ignore it.  
When he had drank up and she took the glass gently out of his hand, he suddenly grabbed her wrist and held her tight. Melody looked in surprise first to his hand, which clenched hers, then to his face. It wasn't a firm grip, but his eyes were focused on hers and she lost herself in his. He slowly pulled her closer.   
The glass slipped out of Melody’s hand, she closed her eyes and a moment later she felt his lips on hers. His arm wrapped around her neck and he gently pulled her down to his side.   
Melody didn't struggle, she ran her hand gently through his hair. She opened her lips slightly and deepened the kiss.

Days after the nocturnal encounter with Miss Hansen and her accusations, the CO was at the still almost every night until the early morning. At first he guzzled so much, that he woke up two times in a section or beside a container which he had never seen before. After that he drank slower, and also less, which allowed him to find his way to his quarters - where he awoke the next morning with a hangover.  
However, this night he wasn't drunk. After 3 shot glasses, he had suddenly stopped and stared into the empty glass the entire evening.  
He agonized over the near future. How could this go on? His attempts to apologize had failed (at least with Rush and Hansen). Only TJ gave him a chance. He also hoped for Eli. The boy was still easy to win over and gosh, after all he was a victim himself. Except for TJ, no one seemed to realize that. It was also easier a few day ago, when Rush was still confined in his quarters. But now he was back to work again and Young had find a quick solution for his very personal problem between himself and Rush and Hansen. But what could he do about both of them? Somehow, they had to work this out. After all, they had to live together on this damn ship ( _what is clearly Rush's fault_ , the Col. thought).  
For heaven’s sake, why did the girl like that curmudgeon and troublemaker? And how the hell did she know about what happened on the planet? He and Rush had made an agreement not to mention this ever again. Had Rush told her? Somehow, Young doubted that.  
Whether he liked it or not, he had to talk to both of them again. Somehow, they had to find a common base on which they could work together again.  
However, after how they’d both reacted to him, he didn't think they'd be willing to.  
"Damn it," he swore in a low voice and banged his fist on the table. "I'm still the commanding officer on board. If they keep stepping out of line, they have to be arrested until they come to their minds again."  
The fourth shot glass, which he filled and drank up in the meantime, didn't fail to have the desired effect; he felt in the right.   
Of course he wouldn't, and couldn't deny, that something serious had happened, but sometimes people just had to move on. That was what he did. He still had nightmares and flinched at some noises assuming that the Nakai could be back, but he pulled himself together after all! And that was what he expected from his people as well.   
Tomorrow he would have a talk with Rush and Rush would **have** to listen to him.   
Staggering a little, he made his way back to his quarters to make sure he'd be rested for tomorrow. He surely would need a clear mind.

Eli was well aware of the fact that both Rush and Melody became almost invisible as of late. As for his boss, well, he couldn't do much. If Rush prefered to stay off the bridge, he had his reasons. Eli didn't ask him why, merely respected it. He still didn't know for sure what really had happened between Young, Rush and Melody while he had been in a coma. And every time he asked TJ, Matt or Chloe, all of them quickly changed the subject.   
But he was observing the behaviour of the parties involved and was able to figure out by himself what had possibly happened. And he was worried about that. In the case of Rush, he didn't even dare to offer him his help in any way. But not with Melody. His feelings for her had grown even stronger and he often sneaked after her to catch her in a moment so he could talk to her or sent his kino on its way. Somehow, she always vanished after she had worked hours in the control room and Eli didn't want to disturb her there.   
This evening, however, he decided to wait for her bridge aside. Quickly he had figured out that she seemed to have a regular timetable; she disappeared around 1 AM. But obviously she wasn't returning to her quarters then (he had tried that at first).   
He was almost too late to catch her and when he reached the control room, she was just about to leave.   
"Mel?" he called out and the young woman turned around.  
"Eli, what are you doing here at this time of the night?" she asked in surprise.  
Right now Eli felt a bit sheepish and didn't really know how to begin.   
"I wanted to... just ask if you're alright? I mean, I know…. well, ehm…I… I just wanted to let you know, I'm here for you, if… if you need a friend," he stammered.  
Alarm bells started to ring in Melody’s head. Did he know what happened?   
"Eli, everything's fine. But right now I can concentrate better down here, that's all," she said, evading the issue.  
This time Eli was determined not to give up so easily. He also didn't convey what he really wanted to say. He took a deep breath and gave it another try.   
"Mel, I'm sorry to say it, but you're not alright. Everyone can see it. You were there for me when Ginn was killed, so please give me the chance to be there for you. Please. I… you know, I always liked you, and also Chloe, both you and her are my only, true friends here, but… Chloe has Matt and I thought maybe…" He searched for more words, but he couldn't find any.   
But Melody understood what he was trying to say.  
"Eli, don't. Please," she said in a low voice and looked down. “Promise me, we'll stay the same friends we've always been. Please! I… I really like you, Eli, and I am so, so terribly sorry you lost Ginn. You were a wonderful couple and I was happy for both of you. But Ginn is gone. Please don't try to find her in me, please don't."  
"I won't," Eli replied at once, with a faint hope Melody would only think she'd be a Ginn replacement. "I already liked you before I even knew Ginn existed…"  
"I know, Eli. And your friendship means a lot to me. I'd be very sad if this bond would be broken. Please promise me, that'll never happen, will you? I don't want to lose you as my friend." She chose her words very carefully,hopefully without hurting Eli too much. At least, she hoped so.  
The MIT-dropout lowered his head and Melody was sorry she had to reject him, but it was better not to raise false hopes.  
"Okay, I'll promise," he finally said, looking at her with sad and disappointed eyes.  
"Thank you, Eli. That really means a lot to me. I’ll see you tomorrow, won't I? And… thank you, that you're here for me." After saying that, she turned around and left the room.   
Eli followed her shortly after. He didn't mean to spy on her, it was simply also his way back.   
That was why he was even more surprised when Melody slowed down in front of Rush's quarters and looked around the hallway conspicuously. Intuitively, Eli slid into a niche so Melody couldn't see him.  
When the girl seemed to be sure no one else was there, she knocked once and then entered the quarters of the scientist.  
Eli frowned. What could Melody want late at night, and obviously secretly, in Rush's quarters? They didn't have to talk something over, did they?

Melody looked around and couldn't see anyone. She quickly knocked on Rush's door and slipped through it.   
Nicholas had risen from the bed and pulled her in an embrace just as the doors had barely closed.   
Melody smiled happily, hugged him back and cradled him until Rush let go of her, lifted her chin gently and kissed her tenderly.   
It was an arrangement both had made tacitly the evening when Melody had brought Rush back to his quarters, and the Scot had kissed her.   
Both realized that right now just the close proximity and a tender kiss were enough to give both back their inner peace.   
That was why Melody went to Rush's quarters night after night instead of her own. Both were just laying side by side to find some sleep.  
Rush would never have thought that he could ever gain back his inner harmony just by having the girl laying by his side and feeling she was recovering.   
He was fond of touching her soft, silken skin and feeling her hair on his face and upper body. Mostly she laid with her back against his body. Dressed for sleep in her shirt or a top, but never naked.  
Melody felt significantly better since Nicholas had opened up to her. The day after their first kiss had been odd, she wasn't sure what all this would come to. But late that night, after they had wordlessly worked in the same room, talking only briefly about some shipintern issues, Rush gave her that meaningful look and she had followed him. Ever since she came every night to him and both felt better.  
Nothing happened between them except for some gentle touches and soft kisses and Nick never forced anything.


	14. Consequences

The next day Young searched, without success, for the scientist. Although he was seen, every time Young arrived there people told him he had been there seconds ago but was gone now.  
Young didn't know how Rush managed to flee from him, but he was successful. In the early evening the CO was so pissed, that he left his uniform jacket in his quarters and decided to let the evening fade away as 'civilian'.  
"Colonel, on the last planet we found some fruits and I have experimented a but. Wanna try?" Brody invited him to test his newest creation from his still.   
The Col. was not averse, particularly because he really could use something to calm down. "Let's see what you've done there," he said curiously. After he had intensely looked and smelled at the new spirit, he tried it.   
For a moment he thought his throat was on fire, but the heat died away shortly after and left a pleasantly warm feeling. The flavour had developed on his tongue and the Col. was sure this time Brody hit the jackpot.  
"For god's sake, this is a god-like, devil's brew," he described it and chugged the rest.  
Brody smirked. "The others who dared to try it said something similar."  
Young held his glass out. "I’ll gladly take another."  
Brody, who was all smiles, refilled his glass. The engineer also refilled his own glass and then sat down beside the Col.  
"So," he said and sipped on his drink. "You haven't been here in a while, Colonel. Much work to do?" he started a conversation.  
Young took another slug before he answered.   
"Not anymore. We now know that the Nakai are gone and there are no more hidden transmitters," he said, sticking to the 'official' version of the mysterious events.  
"I'm just glad everybody had a close shave, maybe not quite unharmed. It's just curious that Doctor Rush is on the bridge so seldomly. Or disappears right away when one of us appear," Brody pondered, lost in thought.  
Young chugged the home-distilled with dash and realized he sort of seemed to feel... lighter.   
_This seems to be high in alcohol content_ , he thought at that, but he didn't care.  
"Yes, curious," he confirmed and stood up. "I'll go to bed. Good work, Mister Brody. Try to distil some more."  
"Aye-aye, Sir!" Brody joked after him and Young turned around the next corner. 

Young finally wanted to clear up things with Rush and Hansen and was feeling brave enough from the alcohol (which seemed to become stronger every second) to step into the lion's den again. He'd lay it on the line for Rush, how things would go on and would not take any shit from the arrogant and smug Scot!  
When he arrived at Rush's quarters, he thought it would be best to go like a bull at a gate. He hoped the door wasn't locked and pushed the door button.  
With a clatter, the doors opened and Young walked in energetically. His words stuck in his throat, his brain taking a few moments to interpret the scene before him.  
Rush laid on his bed, his naked upper body partly visible under the blanket. At his side, tightly cuddled with the back against his chest and in his arms, was Melody Hansen.  
Melody, who had obviously slept, or at least snoozed, in Rush's arms, jolted and looked at the Col. in horror.   
Rush's eyes, on the contrary, were like daggers at Young and he hissed "What's the meaning of this?! Get out. NOW!"   
Young stood there, still lightning struck, but then he felt an uncontrollable rage rising again. The Nakai had abused HIM for their experiments, they had forced HIM to do all the horrible things, no one cared about how HE felt, everyone just blamed HIM, not the Nakai. And now Rush, who of all was to blame for everything, even got a woman in his bed? As a reward?  
Young was overrun by a wave of jealousy and sense of vast injustice, enhanced by the effect of the alcohol.   
"Hadn’t you had enough, doctor?" he yelled, spitting out the title with scorn. "Didn't I please your needs enough, that you're desperate for the next bitch getting into your bed?"  
Suddenly, he was beside the bed, and grabbed Melody brutally by her arm, pulling her out of Rush's arms. By doing so he noticed that she wasn't naked at all and Rush, who shoved the blanket with lightning speed away and came out the bed, still wore his pants.  
Melody cried out and the next moment Young faced an enraged Rush. Without Young even noticing, the Scot punched his nose, which cracked loudly. Blood streamed out and Young howled with pain, released Melody who took quickly cover behind Rush. The next punch hit beside his eye and this time he went down. But Rush wasn't finished. Normally he never could have brought up this amount of strength after he was still recovering, but a burning anger inside him and adrenaline gave him the power, that he needed.  
Young laid on the ground, pressed his hand over his nose and then Rush was above him. The Scot grabbed him by his hair and his head made another acquaintance with the floor when Rush slammed him down.   
"You will never touch her, or me, again!” he hissed with rage. “You have done enough. That you're still alive you only owe Miss Hansen and myself, because I practically begged her to revive you! I should have just let you die down there!"  
Rush pressed his knee in Young’s stomach and shifted his whole weight to it. The Col. gasped and made a halfhearted effort to push him away, but this time the scientist was clearly in the better position. Nicholas just raised his hand for the next punch but Melody's voice stopped him.  
"Nick, don't." She said it in a low voice, but Rush froze as if she’d shouted and looked at her. She moved closer to him and laid her hand on his still lifted fist.   
"He's not worth it. Just look at him," she said with a pitying look at the Col., who was staring at Rush with fear in his eyes.  
Nicholas looked in Melody's face first, then over to Young, back to her again and lowered his hand.   
His facial features eased and Melody helped him up.   
Young stayed wailing on the ground and slowly came to his mind again. The feeling of power triggered by the alcohol vanished and he fell back in his ‘I-am-so-very-sorry’ role. At least, he started to apologize, which interested neither Rush nor Melody.  
The Scot couldn't stand the wailing, grabbed Young by his collar and pulled until the Col. was tripping back to his feet. Then he shoved him to the doors, struck the opener and when the doors slid aside, he pushed the CO outside.  
Young landed directly in front of Greer's feet, who was passing by that moment. Ronald looked at his CO, then over to Rush and shook his head, before he helped Young up without a word. Rush closed the door and Young started to apologize to Greer.  
The Msgt. smelled the alcohol and could figure out for himself what might happened. But for the first time he didn't have the urge to punch Rush for that. Sighing, he helped Young back to his quarters and when they were inside he just said "Sir, if I were you I'd go to bed and have a long sleep." With that he left him alone.  
Young sat on the edge of his bed, his head buried in his hands. He felt terrible! What the hell had he done? What had he done to deserve this?

When Young woke up again he was very astonished to see TJ sitting on the edge of his bed, smiling brightly at him.  
"Good morning, Sir. You really have taken your time."  
Young blinked and looked at her, puzzled.   
"What?" he asked and tried to sit up, but his body seemed to be like lead. Groaning, his head sank back onto his pillow.  
TJ smirked at him.  
"You should lie down for another while. You were asleep for three days and I discontinued the sedative only two hours ago."  
Young looked at her, completely confused. "Three days? Sedative? I don't understand…"  
"What is the last you can remember?" the medic asked.  
Young frowned and had to think for a moment, then he said hesitantly and also embarrassed "I tested Mr. Brody’s newest creation and afterwards I paid Rush a visit to apologize, but… the alcohol was probably stronger than I thought and when I saw Miss Hansen in his quarters, maybe I got a bit abusive towards them. Rush broke my nose and Sgt. Greer brought me back here. But that was three days ago? Did Greer call you?"   
He looked in TJ's eyes and tried to interpret her facial expression. She looked at him like he had just suggested to take a walk in space without a suit.  
"Everett, this must have been a dream," she said, more than a little worried and laid her hand on his forehead. But he felt cool.  
"Dream? I didn't dream. We were on that planet to collect some plants and the Nakai implanted a chip into my body so that I…" he went quiet and gave TJ a look. She seemed to become even more worried. So he asked "Hold on a second, why did I sleep for three days? Couldn't have been the drink, could it? Or did Rush break something else beside my nose?"   
When he came to consider it, he didn't feel any pain. His nose seemed to be okay and the heaviness in his limbs had also faded. What was going on?  
"Maybe I better transfer you to the infirmary and call for a SGC doctor," TJ said and stood up, but Young held her back by shouting "TJ, wait!" and the young woman stopped.  
"So what has happened?" he pressed on and sensed that Tamara was still considering to call for help. But Everett wanted to know what was going on. He couldn’t have possibly made all that up in his mind, could he?   
"Tamara, please, tell me what happened. Why was I asleep for three days?" he asked, pleading.  
Eventually the medic sighed, sat back down on the bed and explained to him.   
"We really had been on that planet and found different plants. When we were on our way back to Destiny, we all started to hallucinate. First, only small, unremarkable things, but then Rush found out, that one of the plants transferred something by touching it. It made us see and hear things that weren't there. It was difficult to figure out what was real and what wasn’t, but somehow we managed.  
“Shortly before we reached the Destiny again, there was a small asteroid field which hadn't been there on the outward flight. We thought it was a hallucination, but the asteroids were real unfortunately. We collided with some smaller stones and the shuttle was damaged. A toxic gas permeated throughout the shuttle, which knocked out both Rush and me. Obviously, you somehow managed to dock the shuttle and the others rescued us.  
Rush and I woke up again a few hours later in the infirmary, but it seemed you had gotten a much higher dose of the plants and the gas, so it took a longer time to have you detoxed. Since you weren't in a critical condition, you just needed time, I transferred you to your quarters so you'd be more comfortable," TJ finished.  
Young, who was constantly getting better in moving his body again, shook his head in disbelief.   
"But why can't I remember that?" he asked and TJ shrugged her shoulders.  
"Dr. Brightman, who was summoned to care for us, assumed it’s a side effect of the larger plant dose. Your brain was swarmed by it and it had very likely erased a part of your memories. This also happened to Rush and me, but in a minor degree. Dr. Rush and I also have lost some memories, but we're relatively sure it happened the way I told you since we compared notes."  
"That means… you're alright? And Rush, Eli and Miss Hansen as well?" he asked, still disbelieving.  
TJ frowned again. "Eli and Miss Hansen? Neither of them were on board. Why shouldn't they be alright?" she asked. "But Rush and myself are fine. We just inhaled a bit of the gas. It was lighter than air and we laid on the ground. Dr. Rush is already back on the bridge."  
A smile of relief appeared on Young’s face. He closed his eyes for a moment and just thought _I didn't do anything of this. The Nakai were never here. It never happened._  
He felt the urge to hug TJ and twirl her through the room, but he could barely move his arms. So he simply enjoyed the fact it all happened just in his mind.  
"Are you alright, Everett?" TJ asked when she saw his blissful face.  
"I have never felt better, TJ," he answered.  
Tamara looked at him skeptically. He was hiding something, but it couldn't be bad, otherwise he wouldn't look so happy.   
She shrugged and stood up. "I'll let you recover, get you something to eat and drink."  
Young nodded and called a "Thank you" after her, when she left his quarters.  
Soon after Tamara brought him a bowl with meat and veggies (that made Young even more happy, not to have to eat the grey mush), but then had to let him alone because she was summoned via radio to sickbay. Someone didn't pay attention and was injured. TJ promised to come back later to look after him and Young just nodded.  
"It must be a wonderful feeling to know it all happened in your mind, mustn't it?" a sudden, foreign voice sounded beside him and he almost jumped out of his skin.  
He swung his head around to see who was in his quarters and froze when he saw a strange woman standing there.   
"How did you get in here?" he asked in alarm and tried to turn his body around.   
He didn't succeed completely but now he could see the woman better. Long, brown hair surrounded a pretty face and her green eyes seem to look through him. She was kind of familiar to him...  
"Miss Hansen?" he asked disbelieving.  
"Not quite," the woman answered. “Melody allowed me to interact in the shape of her sister. I am the A.I., which Dr. Rush transferred to the Destiny. And what you think was only a dream, wasn't really one.”  
Young went deathly pale and his mouth was suddenly dry as parchment.   
"What?" he managed to say and stared in shock at the A.I.  
"What you have seen would have happened if I hadn't eliminated the Nakai on the planet in the first place."  
Young was completely tongue-tied and didn't understand anything. He let his tongue wander over his lips a few times and tried to figure out what the A.I. meant. But he couldn't comprehend anything.   
"I don't understand. TJ just told me what happened. There were just the plants and gas in the shuttle."  
"Not quite," the A.I. in shape of Gwendolyn Hansen helped him.   
"It is correct insofar that you were asleep for three days, but that was my doing. I put you into a scenario during this time. From the moment on that the Nakai overwhelmed you, it all took place in your mind. But the attack occurred. The Nakai were on that planet, they subdued you and brought you into the shuttle. When they were connecting their systems with the shuttle, I rendered them harmless. But I could see their plans. I knew what they had planned to do with the humans. They wanted to misuse them for their experiments. And you, Col., should have been their tool."  
Young shook his head in disbelief. He couldn't believe it.   
"This can't be!" he called out. “This can't be, because your consciousness can't be in the shuttle. You're connected to the ship, not the shuttle."  
"I am quite capable of changing into another system," the A.I. said.  
"But why should you do something? It was just a routine flight to collect some medical plants for TJ. Or did you know the Nakai would be there?" Young asked, threatening.  
Gwendolyn snorted scornfully. "It was luck I was on board."  
"Why?" Young wanted to know.  
"Because Melody asked me to," the A.I. explained eventually.  
Young frowned. "Why should she ask you to do such thing?"  
"Simple," Gwen said calmly. "She was worried you may take another opportunity to abandon Dr. Rush on the planet. That's why she asked me to come along to make sure Dr. Rush would return safely. She knew you were only on this mission to have an eye on him because you're still angry that he transferred me into the Destiny against your will and saved Melody by doing that. And now, just think about one time where you had been today if he hadn't done it." Gwendolyn gave him a knowing smile.   
Young was tongue-tied once more. He just stared at her. His thoughts were a chaos.  
"I see you have some things to come to terms with and think about. I'll leave you with that in peace —in a few moments. There just one thing you'd have to know," the A.I. said and came closer.   
"If you ever should threaten or even hurt Dr. Rush, or Melody, in any way, I'll make sure the crew will learn about what almost happened and what you are capable of."  
"What I am capable of?" Young demanded, angry. "I am a soldier! Commander of this ship and its crew. Of course I have to make some difficult choices, which are not always easy or to the satisfaction of everybody, but they are always for the sake of the crew and our survival!"  
Gwen waited patiently until he was finished.   
"Well, maybe that is true. But leaving a civilian to die on an abandoned desert planet and then lie to the crew about it? Does that also go with being a soldier? Or maybe your satisfied thoughts of revenge when you raped Dr. Rush, Lt. Johansen and almost Melody? Oh yes, Col., I felt your thoughts. You partly enjoyed taking your revenge. Especially when you beat Dr. Rush almost to death. That wasn't something the Nakai wanted you to do, that was all your doing. They just watched you, interested to see to what extent you would restrain yourself."  
Gwen backed off a bit. "A piece of friendly advice before I leave you alone – You really should watch your alcohol consumption. You're drifting, Colonel."  
Suddenly she was gone again and Young breathed out heavily. If the A.I. had told the truth, then he had Rush to thank for transferring her into the Destiny. If that was true… He couldn't believe it, but he had to be sure.  
But he had to wait another day before he was strong enough to get out of his bed again. 

After TJ released him back to duty, he went directly to the shuttle. If the Nakai had really been there, some evidence must be on board. Young searched for hours (at least, if felt like hours) but he didn't know what to look for.  
"Colonel!" a voice from behind said, making him jump. "Are you looking for something specific?" Rush asked as he entered the shuttle, carrying some tool under his arm.  
Young was ready to defend himself, but then he remembered that he had just experienced a simulation and the Scot never actually attacked him and broke his nose. He relaxed and had to force himself to answer in a normal tone, not wanting to show he had still a guilty conscience. It simply had been too real. Facing Rush now, who didn't know anything about it, was odd.  
"Colonel?" the scientist asked, frowning, when he didn't get an answer. He stepped closer and that brought Young back to reality.   
Young cleared his throat. "Yes, I'm sorry. I didn't reckon someone else would be here."  
"I have to seal the leak and run a diagnostic before the shuttle is operational again," Rush explained and sat down in the pilot’s chair to check the systems.  
"Rush," Young said hesitantly, after he had watched him for a while. "When you were on the ship from the Nakai, could you familiarize yourself with their engineering?"  
Rush didn't turn around when he mentioned the Nakai but Young noticed that he stiffened and stopped working for a moment. It was only a blink of an eye, then the Scot went on like Young only had asked him for the weather. "Yes. Why are you asking?"  
Young considered how he could best frame his request without Rush getting suspicious. Eventually, he thought about the alien ship, which was docked on the Destiny in the very beginning of their journey.   
"I just thought about their spy ship, which was docked on the hull. How did they get access to our systems? How did they connect their engineers to ours? Or what would they do, if they may get access to our shuttle? After all they could reappear at all times, like when we're on a mission."  
This time Rush turned around and gave him a sharp look. He didn't ask anything, merely said "They would probably try to connect one of their control devices to a main of the ship. There, behind the panel would be a perfect place," he said and pointed over to the back of the shuttle.  
Young nodded. "Thank you. I think we should have a talk about preventing such a thing, sometime.”   
Rush looked at Young, even more sceptical. "Why, of all things, are you just thinking about the Nakai right now?" he asked.  
"I…" Young tried frantically to come up with a good excuse. But he didn’t have one, so he went with a half-truth.   
"Well, while I was asleep I had a nightmare of them. They ambushed us on the planet and killed the away team. This reminded me that we could still encounter them any time by chance and that is a meeting I'm not looking forward to."  
"Oh really?" Rush couldn't bite back a sarcastic reply.  
Young swallowed his rising anger down. He knew better than anyone that it was his guilt that the Nakai had tortured Rush.   
"Yes," he said simply. "We'll talk about that later. Thank you for your assessment, Dr. Rush." The Col. turned and went over to the panel Rush had pointed to.   
The scientist shook his head about Young's strange question but then turned around again to take a look at the readings.  
Young looked over his shoulder at Rush, but he seemed to be ignoring him. He was now standing in front of the panel and went to open it when he realized it was already loose. His hand started to shake slightly when he removed the panel and he immediately saw the alien device lying there, which clearly had to be the one of the Nakai and had fallen down when the A.I. had eliminated them.  
Young grabbed for it and quickly hid it in his hand. Then he reattached the plate and left the shuttle with a pounding heart.

_So it is true, all of it_ , he thought and looked down on the small device in his hand. Even if he had been on board the Nakai vessel only a short time, he could clearly recognize their technology. He had seen something similar on their ship. He headed directly back to his quarters, took out his weapon and destroyed the alien device with its butt.  
Then he sat down on the couch and ran his hand over his eyes.  
 _Am I really capable of doing such thing?_ he thought with an uneasy feeling in his stomach.   
_No,_ he then decided. _The A.I. can't possibly know what might have happened. It just showed me that to let me feel uneasy about Rush. This A.I. is malicious and has to disappear._  
Deep, really deep, inside him a nasty thought came up to his mind; he shouldn't just get rid of the A.I. but preferably Dr. Rush as well.  
 _No_ , he rebuked himself, I may not even think such things. This incident on the planet was an act in the heat of the moment and Rush provoked it. I would never.... We need him. That would be a mistake and that's not me!  
"Yes, Everett, this is you," another female voice suddenly sounded, which he hadn't heard in a long time. Young lifted his head, this time he saw Emily standing in his room. He got to his feet in shock and felt a lump in his throat.   
"Why are you doing this?" he whispered hoarsely, slowly reaching a hand out for her face, even though he knew it wasn't Emily.  
"Because you know perfectly well what you are capable of, Everett. Admittedly, murder is not the same as adultery, but there are parallels. You had the choice to tell me, to be honest with me, to tell me that you don't love me anymore. But instead, you choose this devious and secret affair and caused me so much pain. You can do it, Everett, like you could abandon Rush to die. You'd be capable of doing what I've shown you. Just look at you at night. Night by night, you're in Brody's still and getting drunk! You're losing yourself more and more and already crossed a line. For once in your life, be honest and ask yourself if this was really a lie, or a trick, like you hope it was. Ask yourself what would have happened if I hadn't been there and the Nakai had used you for their purposes."   
Young pulled back his hand. After a while, in a low voice, he said "Leave. Please."  
Emily gave him a last piercing look, nodded, and was gone in the next second.  
Young just stood there for a some time and tried to repress his feelings for Emily and his still gnawing remorse about what he probably almost had done (in that case Emily had been right, he was capable of doing it and he was afraid of that).  
But he knew, he would fail. So he made his way to the only place, where he knew he'd find some peace: Brody's still.


End file.
